iHate You, Honey
by AussieHill
Summary: Not everyone is ready for parenthood. However, when tragedy strikes, as Godparents and enemies.. How will Sam and Freddie pull things together to keep everything from falling apart? Sam/Freddie Multi-Chap. Challenge.
1. The Birth of Samara Frey

**DISCLAIM.**

**They're all around 23-ish.**

"Where the hell are you?" A voice barked through the phone.

"Watch it, Freddifer." I warned. "I'm fifteen minutes away." I explained, hopping into my cab. I balanced the phone between my shoulder and ear, trying not to drop any of the bags Carly had insisted I find and bring her.

Which is why I'm late, but you can't argue with a pregnant girl, can you?

"Hospital." I whispered to the cab driver. He nodded, before hitting the gas.

"Well, it's girl. Considering you're usual tardiness, I can't say I'm surprised that you missed _everything."_

I sharply inhaled. Woah. ".. It's a girl?" I asked in awe, my heart picking up its pace.

"Yeah…" His voice held slight confusion, as if wondering why I had ignored his insult.

"Healthy? Both of them?" I asked hurriedly, worry intruding my thoughts.

"Yeah, perfect. Wait until you see-" I cut him off, not wanting to spoil the surprise.

"Be there in a sec."

I clicked my phone shut, leaning forward to speak.

"200 bucks says you can't get to the hospital in three minutes."

And with that, we were off.

"Thanks, dude." I exclaimed, uncharacteristically (for me) thanking the driver.

I threw two hundreds up front before quickly hopping out.

I ran into the hospital lobby and followed the signs to a blue and pink waiting room. Eck. Typical, generic baby crap-colors.

Freddie sat in one corner, reading a magazine about, you guessed it folks... _technology._ He looked down at his watch obviously annoyed. Waiting on me? Good. I love a feisty Freddie. Over the top of his magazine, he suddenly spotted me. Standing up hastily, he tossed the magazine aside onto an empty chair.

"How did you get here so fast?" Surprise was written across his face, plainly for me to read.

I ignored his question, choosing to replace it with my own.

"Where are they, Benson?" I asked excitedly, barely restraining myself from bouncing on the balls of my feet.

He smiled seeing my excitability. "This way." He laughed, gently leading me by my hand.

We entered a small room, where Carly was exhaustedly lying on a hospital bed. Her cheeks were flushed and Gibby tenderly held one of her hands, whispering words of astonishment over their new daughter.

"Shay! Couldn't you have waited another hour for, oh.. I dunno… YOUR BEST FRIEND? What's the big idea? Sending me on a freakin' scavenger hunt around your apartment to get stuff for you.." I leaned down to hug her. "I wanted to be here!"

"I'm sorry. Ya' know, how it goes…" She shrugged, giggling. "Stupid Labor."

I nodded, as if I understood. Waving it off, with the typical. 'No biggie' gesture. I didn't want to act too disappointed, and put a damper on the happy setting. But truth be told, I was a little bummed.

I looked around at the watercolor pictures hanging on the beige, plain walls, sighing.

"Where's Carlotta Jr?" I asked, still scanning the room.

As if on cue, a nurse dressed in light baby blue came in with an arm full of blanket, and what I guessed to be, a baby.

"Holy Chiz!" I said, hopping up and down excitedly.

Freddie put a calming hand on my shoulder.

"Calm down, Sam." He whispered, chuckling. I waved him off.

"Shut up, Fredward." I harshly whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. He removed his hand, rolling his eyes at me. What else is new?

The nurse was putting the baby into Carly's arms as Gibby watched silently, in breathless amazement.

I wondered what Spencer would have thought of this moment. He was overseas, looking for 'inspiration' for his art. Stupid timing, if ya' ask me.

I glanced over at Freddie, as he watched the scene unfold before us. A smiled tugged at his lips and his dark brown eyes… softly glistened?

"Woah.. Excuse me _ma'am," _I teased, "Are you _crying?"_ Good ole' Sam had shattered the precious moment like glass.

He cleared his throat, looking apologetically at Carly and Gibby. The looks on their faces, mirrored one word; Leave!

"Excuse us." He said, leading me out of the room with him.

"You can't just interrupt the moment they first see their daughter."

"You can just sob all over it, right?" I smirked.

"I was a little choked up. But, Come on… Carly's the closest thing I've ever had to a-"

"Girlfriend." I completed for him.

"_Sister."_ He finished, ignoring my comment. "I'm proud of her."

"Sure. We'll pretend that you weren't crying over you unrequited love for Carly. Guess you're just not the right kind of dork for Carly.." I said, feigning disbelief.

"You know, good and well that I set Gibby and Carly up." He said, trying to keep his cool.

Actually, I didn't know that 'good and well.' I didn't know that, at all. So my comeback didn't come so easily.

"Oh… Whatever." I finished lamely.

"Yeah, whatever." He said, mocking me, smiling. It was weird seeing him again. I hadn't seen him since last Christmas, and not very frequently before that. Freddie had gone to a college, majoring in business like his mother had always wanted him to. 'Practical.' She had called it. He had then, successfully been climbing his way up to eventually be working at the head of a financing company about 9 hours away.

"How long are you back for?" I asked, randomly.

"I'm looking for a permanent apartment, here. Actually." My stomach dropped slightly in surprise, but I managed to hide it well.

"Missed mommy dear, too much?" I said, mockingly.

"Yeah." He laughed. "Something like that."

I stared at him skeptically.

"What's the real reason?" I asked.

"I quit my job." He said, looking down at me, with his hands in his pockets. He shifted his weight back and forth from his heals to his toes.

My jaw dropped. "But… why?"

"I missed Seattle. I missed Carly and Gibby and Spencer. And yes… even my mom." He smirked down at me. "And you know, you too." I rolled my eyes, smirking, before settling my eyes back on him, encouraging him to continue.

"And, I want to design websites." He continued, hurriedly. "I have enough money set aside to give it a try for a while. If I'm a complete failure… Well, I guess I'll have to turn to something else."

"You'll always be a failure to me." I said, sweetly.

He rolled his eyes, as his phone began to ring.

"Yea'ello." He said, taking a step away from me.

"Oh, hey Spence!" He turned around facing the wall, running his fingers though his hair.

He listened for a moment, as I assume, Spencer talked.

"She's great, and yes. Healthy."

Again, he waited.

"It's a girl. They're naming her Samara Frey."

He laughed.

"Yeah, I know. We tried. But there's no talking Carly out of it."

He chuckled again.

"They're going to call her Mara, though. So it's not too bad.."

He laughed before continuing. "Yeah, I'll definitely tell her you called."

"Bye, man." He looked down at his phone, ending the call.

"What did you say they named her?" I asked in disbelief.

"Samara Frey. You know, like after," He motioned between us. "Sam and Freddie."

I squinted at him uncertainly. "Are you chizzing with me right now, dude?"

"Nope." He laughed. "You and I, are her lucky Godparents. Gibby let me know as soon as I got here."

"Poor kid, being named after Fredweird. Lucky for her, she's gotta little bit of Puckett to even the Benson out." Freddie looked at me, slightly amused, slightly offended.

"Too much _dork_, wouldn't be good for the baby." I explained rudely.

"But too much _delinquent_, is okay?" He snapped back.

After a couple of eye rolls, and glares we easily broke back into out playful-childhood manor.

"Samara Frey Gibson." I laughed, as the words danced off my tongue. "Weird… but I like it."

**I know. S-H-O-R-T. But, I had to introduce everything and everyone.**

**Sorry for the terrible name. But with names like Carlotta and Gibson and Fredward.. It had to be something weird. Samara is pronounced Sum-air-ah. Frey, is simple. HINT. It rhymes with grey. **

**I'm pretty sure there's a movie similar to this, but I have no idea what it's called. I haven't seen it. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this. Let me know what you think. (:**


	2. Note From Author

Hi, I'm sorry for any confusion. An anonymous reviewer pointed out that this was already an idea, by HugsandBugsSmileyFace. I got this from KWilson's page, on Smiley Face's Challenge. I commented asking for permission to use the story prompt. I posted this chapter, not knowing who to give props to since KWilson said that this was not their ideas. I'm not sure if this should go to KWilson or Smiley Face, and I've asked KWilson which they would prefer. I didn't want such a long messy author's note, so I figured I would wait to say in my second chapter to give credit. I'm sorry for the confusion, honestly. I've never done a challenge before. I sincerely wasn't trying to 'steal ideas.' But, whoever deserves credit, it goes out to them. And, if it was your idea and you're reading this; Thank you for the idea. If you would like me to continue or not to, it's up to you at your say-so.

I have never seen the movie and if any parts are similar, it's purely coincidental.

I do not own iCarly. I do not own the prompt for this story, or the movie that inspired that writer. (whoever it was.) Sorry, I'll give proper credit to you when I know who I should be giving credit to. Sorrrrrrrrry again, for the confusion. Sincerely. Peace-AussieHill.


	3. Phone Calls

**Here's chapter two. Credit goes to HugsandBugsSmileyFace.**

**Thanks for reading! (:**

I hopped out of the taxi, already late, after paying the driver. Looking up at the building in front of me, I can't say I wasn't impressed. 'You can't miss it.' I recalled him saying. Got that right, _buddy._

I swung the double doors open entering the lobby. The cool air flushed against my face, blowing my slightly damp, wavy hair away from my shoulders. I had accidently fallen asleep after a double shift, causing me to be a little late to this 'shindig.'

Stepping into the elevator, I gathered my hair to the side, loosely braiding it. It had grown down to my waist. I was waiting for it to get long enough to give to Locks of Love. Ever since cancer had taken her life a year ago, I had been participating in anything possible to make a difference.

I know. Sam _caring._ Who knew? Alright, no one. So shut ya' trap about it.

I'd left the house already an hour late, right after dressing in a loose, off the shoulder black shirt, black jeggings, black converse, and several strands of silver necklaces dangling from my neck. Momma's party look.

The elevator loudly dinged, coming to a halt on the 8th floor. The doors slid open, revealing a dark red hallway. _Fancy. _I glanced at the sign, reading '310-315 to the left. 316-320 to the right.' I took a left, walking down an empty hallway, but I could hear the music already. It pulsed in my veins, exciting me for the night ahead. Who do you think came up with Random Dancing all those years ago?

I was looking for 314, but the doors to an apartment swung open before I had to even bother looking. Stopping where I was, I saw Freddie walk out. With his back to me, he pulled his PearPhone out of his pocket, muttering something about being irresponsible. I hadn't seen him since Samara had been born. Carly and Gibby were always busy, parenthood ya' know? And, well.. Freddie and I just, didn't have a good enough excuse to do anything without them. 'Hey I know you hate me, but let's have lunch?' Uh. No. That's not how our relationship worked.

My phone began to vibrate. Pulling it out of my pocket, I looked down at the name and started to laugh.

He spun around turning a light shade of crimson, before regaining his composure.

"About time, Puckett." He snapped.

I walked forward, my eyes hardened, at his glare. "Just be happy I came at all, Benson."

Brown and blue fought a silent war, as we both contemplated our next move.

"I am." He laughed. Our relationship sat on the thin line between absolute and total hate and tiny-itty-bitty moments of slight, slight affection.

So that explains the hug he pulled me into, right?

After staying there for quite some time, I realized the hug, from someone else's perspective.. might give off the wrong idea. Like we were.. lovey-dovey and chizz.

"Let go of me you, nub." I said, my pulse quickening.

He cleared his throat, "Right, sorry. Welcome to my loft.." He swung the doors open, revealing dozens of people dancing and laughing. He guided me by the shoulders through the apartment, pointing out various things to aid me with whatever need I may have.

"Over there, is the bar. I take it you still don't drink?"

"Nope, you know how I feel about it."

"Liquid Life Ruin-er, I believe is the phrase I remember?"

"Exactly." I suppressed the early-childhood memories of my father.

"There are snacks and smoothies over there, for your enjoyment, then."

I nodded, "Food's a plus."

"Over there, is the DJ," he pointed, "In case you want to make any requests."

I looked over at the guy behind the turntables, nodding approvingly.

"And, down the hallway on the left, is my bedroom." I wondered how this could pertain to me, but he continued. "You can use that bathroom, instead of the one all of the drunks will puke in over there." He pointed to the opposite site of the apartment.

The place was huge, and it was easy to tell that Freddie was well-off. To the far-side of the room, was a wall made up of mostly window that led outside. The view of the city, was the type that could knock the breath out of you. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing.

_Looks kind of like a big, fire-escape. _I mused.

"Where's the _Gibsons_?" I said mockingly.

"Babysitter was late, but they should be coming."

"Oh." I lamely said, looking around the room of strangers.

Suddenly there was a loud _crash!_ And Freddie spun around angrily, stalking off.

The only familiar thing in the room seemed to be food, so I settled on wandering over to the bar.

I glanced around, for Freddie again wondering what one of his quests could have broken.

I found him just in time, to see him look down at his phone questioningly before answering it.

If I never have to see that look on Freddie's face again, I'll be a happy girl.

All joy was drained, and seeing it made my stomach drop. That 'something has to be wrong' feeling, swarmed through me and I jumped off the stool I had been sitting on.

Freddie turned, looking at the ground hurrying to what I recognized, as his bedroom.

Without thinking, I began pushing through the people following him.

I got there a few seconds after him. I closed the door behind me silently.

Freddie was sitting silently on his bed, shaking.

Fear swept through my veins as I thought of what could be wrong.

"Freddie?" I said, gently.

I heard the shaky intake of breath and then, I knew he was crying.

Thinking back over the years, I can honestly say I've never seen Freddie sob.

And, to tell you the truth I was the only one who inflicted pain on him. No one else was supposed to.

My pulse racing, I sat down beside him on the bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, scared of his answer.

He looked up at me, his brown eyes spilling over with tears.

My breathing stopped, thinking of only one thing that could be this terrible.

"Dead." He said simply. The downpour of water suddenly came to a stop.

"Both of them." I continued, his voice scarily even.

My heart fell painfully to my stomach, knowing exactly who he was talking about.

My mouth hung open in complete shock, as Freddie explained to me in hysterics how a drunk driver had taken the life of two of our closest friends.

**Can I ask if anyone caught that his apartment number 3+1+4=8? Yay, for the seddie number! Anyways, onto SERIOUS CHIZZ!**

**Gah. Writing that sucked. I hate unhappiness. So, pretty much this sets up our story. Let's go over things a little shall we? **_**Someone **_**died of cancer. Though, we've yet to learn whom. Sam has bad memories relating to alcohol. Calling it the 'Liquid Life Ruiner.' Ironically, not long after you learn this, you get the bombshell that both Gibby and Carly have passed away in a car accident. **

**So, so far we have terrible, terrible news. But, what good can come from this?**

"**Sometimes a series of unfortunate events can be the first footsteps of a journey."**

**Reviewing is a simple way to make a writer happy. Thanks! (:**


	4. Rhyming and Bad Timing

I woke up to a phone ringing and to the sun shining too-brightly in my face.

Maybe, if it wasn't so freakin' early in the morning, this easily would have been the first sign I wasn't home. You see, I don't have enough money to keep a house phone. I had found that my cell phone was just enough for me, thank you very much. I glanced at the clock that flashed 4:30 AM. The red digital numbers blinked mockingly at me, as the phone obnoxiously rang again. I glared angrily at the phone, willing it to die.

I answered the phone, absent-mindedly giving in. Ladies and Gentlemen; Mistake number one.

"Uh, wuhh.. huh-ello?" I mumbled, sleepily.

Silence filled the line a little too long, I noticed. I should have hung up then. Mistake number two.

I opened my mouth, readying myself to say hello again. But there was no need.

"Who the yuck is this?" Yikes, I would know Crazy's voice anywhere.

"Sam Puckett, why'ya calling me?" I grumpily asked. Mention of my name; Mistake number three.

In fact, wipe out the other mistakes. THIS one had to be the biggest one.

"I'm calling my FreddieBear!" She yelled, her tone filled with surprise and worry.

Oh, sweet mother of chizz am I in trouble now.

I looked down, to see an arm tightly woven around my waist.

I swallowed, cursing under my breath.

"Uh…" I glanced over at Freddie's face, confused. "Wrong number." I hastily replied, before slamming the phone down.

Why the hell was I asleep beside Freddie?

Suddenly, all of yesterday's events came crashing down on me. _Oh._

I took in a shaky, uneven, painful breath and the tears once again came streaming down my cheeks.

I hate to admit it, but I snuggled in closer to Freddie. I needed to know, that _someone_ was alive.

Life was such a balancing act. People fall off the edge every day. It didn't matter how good you were. One day you are here, and one day you're not. I remember when I was little, that with every death of a family member Carly would explain that God needed an angel, and that we were supposed to learn something from that person's life. I felt like that was a fairytale way of putting things, but I'd like to believe that. God chose some pretty great Angels. First Melanie, now Gibby and.. Carly. The tears came faster. I felt so… alone. Who did I have left?

I rolled over, pressing my ear to Freddie's bare chest. His steady heartbeat, made mine pick up in overtime, but I ignored the feeling. His arms tightened around me, and he buried his face in my curls, still asleep.

A heartbroken sob, escaped my lips, waking Freddie up.

"Sam." He said gently, pulling me even closer. With that one word, I could feel everything behind it. He needed me too.

He didn't bother with an 'It's okay' because we both knew that it wasn't. I silently appreciated him not voicing the lie.

He ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm me down before burying his face, once again in the golden strands.

I wouldn't have known he was crying too, if I hadn't felt the drops of moisture on my scalp.

He pulled his face back and then came down to rest his cheek on my forehead.

"Nothing ever lasts." I sighed, brokenly. I reddened, I hadn't meant to say the words out loud.

We laid there in silence for what seemed an empty eternity.

"You loved Carly and Gibby?" I could tell, saying the names hurt him even worse than my hearing them hurt me.

"Yes." I whispered.

"You still do?" He asked again even quieter.

"Always." I answered fiercely.

"Then you're wrong." He said, looking down to meet my eyes. "Some things last forever."

I closed my eyes, wishing it could have been me to go in their place, it seemed more fair.

It's not fair that my best friend was gone. Forever. What were my last words to her?

I couldn't even remember them. Some hurried words on the phone, maybe? I hadn't even taken time to really talk to her lately. The one person in my life who was always there for me, is gone. Forever. The word 'forever' rang in my head over and over again. Anger boiled in my blood, as I pushed Freddie off of me. I got out of bed, pulling on the shoes I had carelessly left on the ground.

"Sam." I ran into his bathroom, splashing my face with water before searching the drawers for a comb.

I heard hurried footsteps following me. I tried to slam the door but he beat me there.

Stopping the door with both of his hands, he said it again. "Sam!"

"Let go Freddie!" I said, pushing the door. We both pushed from both sides.

I was expecting the typical 'Calm Down!' but it never came.

"_Never tell a girl to calm down!"_ Carly's voice rung in my ears.

I screamed out in heartbroken pain, as Freddie succeeded in pushing the door open.

"I get it." He said simply.

"No you don't!" I said, throwing a punch to his right eye.

He caught my wrist before it could collide.

I tried again, going for the left hook. Again, Freddie caught my arm.

I struggled again him. "Let me go! I have to go! Let me go!" I cried, tears streaming down my face.

I finally stopped fighting, too tired to go on.

"She was the only one always there for me." I whispered, looking at the creases between the tiles on floor. I looked up to meet his eyes, realizing he would fit that category. I shook off the thought, continuing.

"They're gone, Freddie. Everyone." I said quietly, fear invading my thoughts.

His hands slipped from my wrists, entangling his hands with mine.

"I'm not." He said, bringing my hands to feel his heartbeat. "You're not." He moved our hands to feel mine.

His eyes looked wary, and he looked much older than his 23-years. The bags under his eyes, showed that he had not slept well either. The boom of the bass from the party, mixed in with the sorrow of the news, hadn't been a good mixture for either of us. Freddie's tears had stopped before mine, and he stroked my hair as I had cried myself to sleep. He must have gotten even less sleep than I had.

The look in his eyes held compassion for me. I could easily count the times he had given me that look on one hand.

He leaned down, pulling me into a hug. I breathed in shakily, trying to make this all somehow okay, in my head. The pieces weren't lining up yet.

He led us out of the bedroom, his hand in mine. I could feel the pulse in his hand, and I found it assuring.

We ignored the messy state of the apartment, left from the party, as he led me to a table in the kitchen.

"Hold tight." He said, giving me a reassuring look in the eyes.

Hurrying over to the fridge, he pulled out eggs, cheese and bacon.

"Bacon and omelets?" He asked, as my stomach growled.

"I'll take that as a yes." He smiled gently, the spark never reaching his eyes. He sighed before turning to the stove.

Suddenly, the front door to the apartment swung open, revealing Mrs. Benson. _Oh yeah…_

"Freddie! What is s_he_ doing at your apartment at 6 am?" She looked at me accusingly.

"Oh. Your mother called." I said evenly, turning to Freddie. He looked at my surprisingly, trying to understand the situation. Comprehension hit him.

"Oh!" His faced reddened. "No! Mom, I mean.."

"Freddie, you can't have forgotten the rhyme!"

"No.. Mom, please don't.."

"Intercourse before you marry, can easily lead to something scary!"

My mouth dropped.

"Are you pregnant?" She asked turning to me. Freddie looked at his mother in shock.

"Not unless, I'm pulling a virgin Mary thing." I said, looking her straight in the eye.

"Mom, come with me." Freddie ordered, pulling her into a room before she could embarrass us any worse. Weird rhyming lady..

Moments passed by before I could hear Mrs. Bensons sobs from the other room. I hate to admit that they made my heart ache. It made my own pain no easier to bare.

She and Freddie came out of the room and Mrs. Benson ran over to hug me.

"I'm s-s-so s-sorry." She sniffled, her arms around my neck. I sat their awkwardly, trying to hold myself together. I didn't want anyone else to see me cry.

She let go, asking Freddie for anti-bacterial tissues.

I looked over at Freddie, his expression was unreadable as he stared at me.

Mrs. Benson wiped her eyes on the tissue Freddie had found her.

"What about poor Samara?" Her question rang out, breaking the silence.

Freddie and I exchanged a look of fear. That was something we hadn't thought about.

**That's all folks! SO.. Melanie died of Cancer. :(**

And, Sam and Freddie are having a hard time coping. :(

THANKS TO MY REVIEWERS: Virgoleo23, misstinkerbell18, GothRockerChic, ccQTccQT, SeddieThunder, iBrown-eyed-blonde, rachim4, HugsandBugsSmileyface, Ang, , and sam yeah! Thanks so much. Let me know what you thought of this chapter! (:


	5. Endings Begin

**Bringing you CHAPTER FOUR! (: **

**(Full House reference, NOT MINE.)**

**Hasta Luego, wonderful readers…. **

"So.." The grey haired woman who sat in front of us looked down at the clipboard, scanning over the page looking for what I assumed, our names. "Samantha Puckett and Fredward Benson. I have all the details here, in front of me. Carly and.." She paused, pondering the name that followed. "_Gibby,_ have left quite a bit to you both."

I looked over at Freddie, wondering what she could mean. He was staring at the woman, _excuse me_. I mean, Mrs. Argerzo. He was staring at _Mrs. Argerzo_ like he couldn't be any more bored with what she was saying. We weren't here to get money from anyone.

She rattled on about what rights we had to _this_, and how much we owned of _that_. But, I could barely listen. My thoughts were tied up with the very last thing I could do for my best friend. I owed her this. I would raise her daughter.

God knows I'm scared. Frankly, being Samara's guardian scares the chizz straight out of me. I took in a deep breath, readying myself for the future that I knew was coming. Thousands of questions raced through my mind, as I contemplated all of the possible ways I could easily fail my best friend. This was my last chance to make up to her all of the years that she did everything she could for me.

I looked over at Freddie. I already knew exactly where he stood on this. He wanted as much to do with this as I did. Before setting up the appointment with Mrs. Argerzo over here, we had discussed joint custody. Maybe, 2 months at each home, going back and forth. I considered having to transfer homes every two months for the first eighteen years of life, and I knew in my stomach the plan had its flaws.

But what could we do? The situation wasn't one of convenience.

I suddenly heard the word 'Samara' and automatically tuned in.

"You two are legally the godparents of Samara Frey Gibson. But, I'm sure something can be arranged so that another relative may be able to become the legal guardian of her. But it is a long process.."

My heart picked up, angrily.

"Good thing we won't be going through that process, then." I said rudely. "Who says we want to do that?"

"Well.. I mean. Typically.. Two adults your age.." She stopped, looking flustered. "May I ask what the relationship status is between the two of you?"

I swallowed, looking over at Freddie meeting his questioning eyes.

"Enemies." I spat, right as Freddie said. "Friends."

We simultaneously sighed, glancing at each other before both speaking again.

This time we switched rolls.

"..Friends." I said, reluctantly. Meanwhile, Freddie was saying. "Enemies."

I punched him in the arm, "Dude!" I angrily mumbled.

We stared at each other silently communicating, silently arguing. Freddie rubbed the spot I had just punched.

"Best friends." We finally said together, looking slightly embarrassed. We refused to look at each other, after admitting something so disgustingly horrible.

She stared at us questioningly before going on. Sure, the exchange between us she had just encountered probably looked a little crazy, but what can ya' do?

"I don't think it would be fair for Samara to be passed from home to home her whole life.."

Thinking it over, I knew she was right. An idea popped to my mind, where I saw the characters of Full House all living together, making it work for the kids. But, that was crazy.. Freddie and I would kill each other under the same roof. Maybe not right away. But. Eventually.

But, on the other hand. Carly had never failed being there for me. What had I done in return for her? I felt like a terrible friend, and I know for a fact that she wouldn't want her spazzy Grandpa from Yakima raising her baby. She'd grow up to be boring. Yucky Yakima. I shuttered at the idea. Nothing like she'd have wanted, for her daughter. I realized that this was something I was going to have to do. Suck it up, Sam.

Suddenly, Freddie was speaking.

"Well, I mean.." He ran a hand through his hair, struggling with the words that came next.

"We could move in together." I suddenly blurted out. _Way to be straight to the point._

Freddie looked at me, surprised. I quickly realized that Freddie might not be thrilled by that idea. Woops.

"I mean, if you want to…?" I finished my sentence as if it were a question looking at Freddie curiously.

"You want to live together?" Freddie gawked at me, looking me straight in the eyes. His eyes weren't readable, and it made it that much harder to answer.

I studied him trying to comprehend the look on his face. Is he agreeing with me?

"I have to do this for Carly." I finally said. "No matter what it takes."

He grinned slightly, as if satisfied with my words.

"Couldn't have said it any better." He admired, looking at Mrs. Argerzo for direction as to what to do next.

"Well.. alright then." She looked hesitant. "Right now, we have Samara in our care. You can take her home today if you'd like, or in the morning if it would be easier for you."

I took in a shaky breath.

_Don't leave her in some crazy confined room! I hate closed in spaces! _Carly's voice once again, rang in my ears.

I took in a painful breath, and Freddie noticed. He shifted slightly closer to me, reassuringly. To anyone else, it would have looked like a shift of weight, he had moved half an inch, it looked like he had moved from being uncomfortable for sitting too long. But, to me, it was his way of telling me that he was here.

"Tonight." I assumed I was speaking for both of us.

She nodded understandingly, as she quickly scribbled words on various forms.

"These are for you." She stated, handing Freddie a thick packet and a key.

"You'll need to go by the Gibson's home to pick up Samara's things. You have a month to clean out their apartment, before their rent is up. Whatever you leave, will be donated."

He nodded, as I tried to recover from the mention of their name. It had to get easier one day.

"You two can wait out front, and I'll bring her out shortly." She smiled professionally, before leading us out of the small office.

I waited until we were alone, to start.

"How the hell are we going to live together for eighteen years, Freddie?" I said, worriedly. "And, how do I raise a child Carly would approve of? I'm not good enough to be.. a mother." Panicking, I continued. "How am I going to do this? When I'm working, auditioning, sleeping for hours at a time.. Who's going to take care of Samara? I've got to change. I've got to be better." I realized my slip, at the word 'audition' by Freddie didn't seem to notice or question me, about what I was auditioning for.

Freddie steadied me by the shoulders whirling me around to gaze directly into my eyes.

"You don't need to change. You're perfect-" He stopped, noticing his slip of words. Hurrying, he continued. "-For this, I mean. And, you're not going to be alone, Sam. I'm in this for the long run too."

I stared at the golden flecks in his eyes. "How are we going to make this work?" I asked, brokenly.

"You mean as a delinquent and a nub?" He badgered, trying to lighten the mood.

Mrs. Argerzo walked into the room then. The sound of her heels clicking with the tile of the floor cut off my answer.

And then, there she was.

Samara wasn't so tiny anymore. The brown eyes belonged completely to Carly. That was obvious. Seeing them, hurt and filled me with hope at the same time. The cheeks were obviously Gibby's back in his chubby days, and they were much too big for the tiny face. The uneven curls atop her head were dark like Carly's were.

I didn't know if I was proud of the way Samara looked or heart broken by the similarites.

Tears swelled in my eyes and Freddie slipped his hand into mine.

I looked over at him, and my heart dropped in surprise. I was going to raise a child with him. Freddie, the boy I had tormented for years on end. The boy, I never would have met if it weren't for Carly. The boy I shared my first kiss with. The boy who's bed I had woken up in this morning. I swallowed, doubtfully.

I yanked my hand from his and spun around, silently walking out the door. I needed some time alone.

Did I get that? Bet your sweet chizz I did not.

"Sam!" Freddie called, from behind me.

I wiped angrily at my eyes, cursing the tears that had fallen. Slowly, I turned and he stood several feet away on the deserted sidewalk.

I could see in his eyes, that he was overwhelmed by this too. But, we both knew that didn't matter. We both knew what we had to do.

But, with Freddie? How were we going to walk that line between barely-friends-kinda-enemies and _parents?_ Don't get me wrong, but aren't parents supposed to love each other? How was I going to spend every single day with a guy for eighteen years? Especially one, who cooked me bacon and omelets in the morning and held my hand when I got all teary eyed and all? Huh? What's _that _all about?

"We're going to figure it out." Freddie said gently, looking at my warily.

He took a few steps towards me.

"Come on. Let's get Samara and go home."

_Home. _The word made my stomach sick, and I tried to ignore the nauseous feeling in my stomach.

Following him back in, I kept my hands safely in the pockets of my cotton jacket. Freddie better not pull the whole 'hand holding' thing again.

Mrs. Argerzo looked worried. "Are things alright?" She asked in her unexpectedly, too-high pitched voice. I was annoyed with her for no good reason, besides the fact that she wasn't in my situation.

I nodded, looking at the ground.

She handed Samara to Freddie, deciding against handing a baby to the moody-psycho blonde girl.

Ten minutes into this and I'm doing awesome.

"Alright, we need bottles, a car seat, a crib, diapers, baby formula, baby food, clothes, baby wipes.." Freddie continued to ramble on as I looked around the apartment.

You could tell they were just here. It was creepy almost, and I felt like Carly was somewhere in the house, taking one of her famous showers. I was tempted to check the house for her, but I didn't want to set myself up for the disappointment.

"Hold on." Freddie said, pulling out his PearPhone.

"I'm going to need a truck…" He said into the phone, walking into another room to talk.

I was sitting on the couch with Samara in my arms.

She mumbled something like "Bluh-buh-duh" and baby-spit oozed from the side of her mouth.

He cheeks were so heavy on her face, her lips had fallen open, and her tiny pink tongue hung slightly out.

Wanna know I weird feeling? Laughing, after crying for two days straight.

The sound escaped my lips, right as Freddie walked out of the room with an arm full of baby crap. I mean, toys.

"What's funny?" He asked, walking over to the couch.

"Samara." I said, slightly dazed. The world seemed out of focus, as I focused in on her.

"I like her." I stated simply.

Freddie's eyes moved from between Samara and me, looking half-amused.

"Me too." He chuckled quietly. "I've called for some guys to bring a truck, and I found some boxes in their storage room."

"'Kay." I answered, as I stared at Samara, studying and memorizing every feature. Comparing her tiny features to her parents' was actually bringing me some sort of enjoyment.

"You can stay here with her, and I'll pack. Or, you can pack and I'll cover baby-duty." Freddie offered.

"Dibs on the baby." I said, playfully looking up at him.

"Fine." He agreed, dragging his heels as he once again exited the room.

After an hour of holding Samara, and an hour of packing, Samara had fallen asleep.

Who knew Carly + Gibby = such a cute baby.

It made my chest ache, thinking about how they weren't here to enjoy it.

I hope they can see me and her now, it seemed only right that they should be able to.

"I hope I won't let you down, Carls." I said, looking down at the sleeping baby in my arms.

"I'll keep her in line, Carly. Don't worry about it." Freddie said from behind me, startling me. He held a crib in his arms. Walking towards me, he sat it down next to the couch.

"Don't you ever do that again." I said, standing up and walking over to the crib. I slowly lowered Samara into the crib, careful not to wake her.

"Scared you?" Freddie teased, over my shoulder looking at me mockingly.

"Course not. Just watch it next time, got it?" I snapped turning, glaring into his eyes.

"Or what?" He smiled. Things seemed so normal, and you have no idea how good that felt.

I shoved him in the chest, daring him to fight back.

He looked at me, feigning shock.

"Ouch." He said sarcastically, throwing in a famous Freddie eyeroll.

This time I shoved him harder, and the back of his foot tripped over the coffee table. He went falling back, making sure to grab me first. Landing with a thud, we found ourselves lying on the Gibson's old couch, tangled up in each other. His arms were loosely around my waste, and I realized in that moment what a horrible idea living with him was going to be. Looking up, he began searching my face for some clue of what I was going to do next.

There was a knock at the door then, thankfully interrupting the awkward exchange between the two of us. I slowly slid my legs off the side of the couch, pushing on Freddie's stomach to get up.

His sharp intake of breath, told me I had pushed on his lungs a little too hard.

"That's what I love to here." I said over my shoulder as I walked over to answer the door. Two unfamiliar men stood under the door frame.

"Hey.." I said, unsure.

Freddie was behind me then. "These boxes." He explained, pointing at the stack of boxes by the door.

"Oh. Wittle Freddina had to hire big men to carry the boxes?" I smiled sarcastically at him.

He rolled his eyes at this, and picked up the largest of the boxes. He gave me a look pointedly, wiggling his eye brows playfully before following the moving men out the door.

I took this time to check on Samara, who was still peacefully sleeping.

Maybe, she won't be too hard to handle, after all.

**Alright! Thanks sooo much for the reviews! Thanks go to: ****Ang, ****OhSoIris****, ****misstinkerbell18****, ****PinkIcePrincess23****, ****mslostnotfound****, ****iBrown-eyed-blonde****, hugsandbugssmileyface, ****ober22****, and ****ccQTccQT****! **

**Thanks for all the alerts and favorites too! Check out my oneshots too if you get the chance. (:**

**A lot of you liked the rhyme. Hahaha, thanks! Seemed like a Mrs. Benson thing to do. (;**

**You guys are the nicest reviewers!**

**Peace. –Ausssssie!**


	6. The Right Formula

**CHAPTER FOUR:**

**Awesome reviewers: ****Seddie101****, Too lazy to login (A/N BEEN THERE!), Ang, ****OhSoIris****, ****PinkIcePrincess23****, ****iBrown-eyed-blonde****, ****ccQTccQT****, PurpleHippopotamus, and ****hogwartsgirl52****. **

**Do I have to say it again? YA'LL ARE AWESOME. Thanks, for the nice reviews! **

_**CHAPTER FIVE:**_

**Dan claims.**

**So, guess I can't.**

**And to the sad, depressing Seddie.**

**I gotta say, I hope you don't start thinking the whole things gonna suck like this. It's gonna get happier eventually. But, they can't be all. "Oh, Carly died two days ago. OH WELL. I LOVE YOU FREDDIE BENSON!" Hahahahaha, nope! That's not very realistic. I'm trying super hard to keep everyone in character. But, enough explanations! On to the story…**

**Oooooh, here it comes! Get excited! (;**

***Fades from black, into story….***

I have to say that a weird, life changing, and sucky moment would have to be this: Waking up at 3 AM, to a baby crying.

It kind of makes you feel sick to your stomach. That sound does, I mean. Having a heart wrenching sound fill my ears this early in the AM, wasn't giving me a warm and fuzzy, I'd have to say.

Have you ever heard one of those things wailing at the top of their little lungs? Holy chizz, is it loud.

I rolled over, pressing the pillows tightly around my head. Must. Block. Sound.

"Make it stop, Freddifer." I mumbled angrily, my pillow technique had been unsuccessful at buffering out the offending noise.

After not getting a reply, I blindly threw a punch in what I thought to be Freddie's direction. My fist awkwardly hit the mattress and surprised, I rolled over to see the other side of the bed empty. The only sign of Freddie were the sheets that had been carelessly thrown back when he, as I assumed, had gotten up.

I know what you're thinking. Yes. We're sharing a bed. But, that is very, extremely, _very_ temporary. Sleeping together, I mean. Well, wait. No. NOT sleeping-sleeping together… I mean, GAH! Son of a twitch. Listen, he has an extra room on the other side of the apartment that my things will be moving into tomorrow. Kay? So it's temporary, like I said.

Yeah, yeah. Shut your trap.

"Freddie?" I called questioningly. Getting up, I looked down at the t-shirt he had given me to sleep in. 'Special Ham' was written across the front and I had laughed when I saw the old Penny-T he had saved from back in the days. I sighed at the thought, 'back in the days.' I missed it.

I shuffled across the room, dragging my feet so that I slowly made it to the doorway. I began to follow the tiny wailing noise that seemed to be pouring from the living room.

There he was, sitting on his couch holding Samara. My heart tightened at the sight of our little makeshift family. How long could this really last? My heart swelled up painfully at the thought of letting Carly down. Freddie looked completely disheveled, as he glared up at me sleepily. The dark circles under his eyes were a giveaway that he had been up for quite some time, before I had been woken. His hair was messy from running his fingers through it, just like he did every time something annoyed or confused him. He muttered an angry 'SHH!' at me, before softly humming for Samara's sake.

_Touchy._

I walked quietly over to the couch and took a seat beside Freddie, being sure not to shake the couch under my weight. I was trying to be slightly agreeable for Samara's sake.

Not Freddie's. …Even though he looked like he could fall over any second from pure exhaustion.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked, slightly worried.

"No idea." Freddie muttered, running his fingers through his hair. Yeah, read that again about his hair up there. HA. Told'ja.

"Your face is probably scaring her." I teased and he sarcastically rolled his eyes at my insult. I smirked, before getting serious again. "How do we make her stop?"

"I'm as clueless as you are." Cue fingers running through his hair. He sighed. "I've been trying to get her to go back to sleep for at least an hour."

He squinted at the clock across the room, the wheels in his head calculating the actual amount of time.

"Or two." He muttered, looking back down at Samara.

I stared at him, and studied the exhausted look on his face. I actually felt a little sorry for him. I looked down at the baby, studying her face.

"Million dollars says she hungry." I concluded, looking back up at Freddie.

"In the middle of the night?" He glanced over at my skeptically.

"Uh, yeah? Midnight cravings. Totally normal." I said, smirking at him.

He rolled his eyes, but ultimately decided to give it a shot. "Go get a bottle of formula." He muttered, waving me off in the direction of the kitchen.

"A' aye Cap 'in." I said, sarcastically saluting him, standing up before hurrying to the kitchen.

Peeking through the cabinets, I started singing something along the lines of, "Baby, Baby, Baby, Formulaaa!" Not to the tune of Justin Bieber or anything. You know.. Cause that'd be lame…

Ahem..

I heard Freddie chuckle from the other room and immediately stopped singing.

Sleep exhaustion does funny things to me, okay?

Pouring the mixture into a tiny pink bottle, I headed towards the door baby formula in hand.

"Don't forget to warm it up." Freddie called from the other room.

I looked down at the cold bottle I had filled_ Oh._. Right.

I cleared my throat. "Duh, Fretard." I spat, playing off my mistake.

I spun on my heel, heading to his microwave. Studying the many buttons, I finally found the one to make the door open. Don't you hate using someone else's microwave for the first time? This one was obviously new, and mine back home had been bought at a flea market for ten bucks. Freddie's techy microwave was nothing like my prehistoric one at home.

"Let's try 20 seconds..." I mumbled to myself, pressing the silver 2 and 0.

I turned around and started putting up the baby formula and bottles I had scattered during my JB performance. I mean. Uh.

I hear footsteps behind me and turn to see Freddie standing in the door frame.

"She fell asleep." He gently smiles triumphantly at me, looking me in the eyes. We stay that way a beat too long and I have to intentionally break eye contact. Looking away, my eyes fix on the microwave's blue, digital numbers.

Then it all happened in slow-motion. First, I notice the time left, read 17:23. Right as the second ticked down to 17:22 I realized I had put 20_ minutes_, not 20 s_econds_. Cursing to myself I hurried to the microwave, brushing past Freddie to turn it off. And, Wow. Know what sucks?

_BOOM! _

The baby bottle's top explodes off suddenly, and fills the microwave with thick, white gooey liquid.

Freddie and I both jump at the sound, and Freddie yanks my arm backwards quickly, positioning himself between me and the noise. As realization dawns on Freddie, his protectiveness slowly fades.

"What the Hell?" He yells, turning angrily to look down at me. "What did you do?"

"Uh... I..." I couldn't think of a good explanation, insult or comeback. That's a new one for me.

Staring into the golden flecks around his iris, I saw them melt as they stared back at me.

"I didn't mean to." I said, too tired to be clever. Not quite an apology, but almost.

We looked down at his hand around my wrist and he quickly released it.

Samara's wails filled the apartment once again. And, yeah I guess I'm to blame for that. Sighing, he took a step away from me, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked up at the ceiling, sighing and calming down. Obviously annoyed, he cleared his throat before looking at me.

"I'll clean up the microwave and make some baby formula. You go rock her." His voice was calm and even, but one glance into his eyes told me otherwise. It was like the pools of brown had grown dangerously still. It seemed like the calm before the storm to me.

"Right, I can do that." I say, nodding. _Sorry Carly. _I apologize in my head. I'm already messing this up.

The living room was Samara's room for now. Freddie and I had decided it was between our rooms, so it was easy access for both of us. Looking around, I saw the crib, the toys scattered along the floor and the rocking chair filling half the room. I wondered what we do when she got older. Move, I guess.

I scooped Samara up into my arms. My best friend's eyes stared up at my through tears. My lungs screamed as they ached for air. My heart stopped before picking up twice as fast, painfully knocking at the walls of my chest. Everything in me screamed angry Why?s and the loss of my best friend hit me again.

Shakily, I forced in a breath. I sat in the rocking chair and began shushing Samara like Freddie had. The difference was his shushing came out like a lullaby while mine came out broken, by the shaky gasps that kept breaking through my lips.

"Damn it, Sam! Do you know how hard it is to clean sticky, boiling baby formula out of a-" He stopped in the door frame from across the room, holding a new bottle. He swallowed, fearfully, looking me up and down. "Hey. Are you crying?"

Glancing up at him through blurry eyes, I guiltily realized I was. Holding it together was another thing I was failing at. Since when was I so weak? I'm Sam Puckett, damn it. I've been through Hell and back. I _lived _in Hell with my crazy mother and the bar across the street from my house, with the dark alleys that always had someone begging for spare change or cigarettes. I'm stronger than to let some baby's eyes make me cry.

_I was your best friend, its okay to cry._ Her voice pierced through my mind, and only made the pain in my chest double. The burning in my throat thickened as I tried to breathe and I glared at Freddie to keep the tears from falling any heavier.

"No." I smartly said.

He hurried over to me, baby bottle in hand.

He graciously ignored my tears, as I obviously wanted him to.

"Come over here." He sat on the couch, patting a spot beside him.

I got up and did as I was told. Shocking, I know.

"Let me show you how to do this." He said, placing the bottle in my right hand. His hand then, covered my left one that was supporting Samara's head. He guided my hands through the motions of feeding her until Samara finished her last swallow. He took her from me, and patted her on the back until she burped.

I scoffed at the noise. She was very obviously going to have to work on her burping skills.

She fell asleep shortly after that in Freddie's arms. I watched, slightly jealous that he was so good at this and I wasn't.

He got up silently and placed her in the crib, gently. He walked over to me and took my hand, before leading us back to his room. I was aware that this was against my hand-holding policy, but I wasn't sure how to react. Sitting on the end of the bed, he released my hand. He stared straight ahead as he spoke.

"You see her in Samara, don't you?" He whispered, as if he was scared to ask. Probably thought I would break his arm for asking what he already knew to be true. I probably would have, but I just didn't have the energy or the… motivation to do a_nything._

I lied down, thoroughly afraid to answer his question. I wanted to say something along the lines of 'Yes, a thousand times yes. The similarities, I love them and hate them all at the same time!' What was wrong with me? I wanted to ask him. How could I hate Samara and love her all at the same time? It hurt me and healed me simultaneously and the mixture of the feelings felt close to insanity.

Instead I swallowed, and replaced my thoughts with these words. "Let's just go to sleep, Freddie."

Freddie lied down beside me and his arm brushed against mine as he shifted, trying to get comfortable. He finally settled for lying on his back, with his arms behind his head.

"I do too." He said, breaking the silence. "And, it kills me." His voice broke as he finished.

I listened, unsure of what to say. I could only feel the thickness of the burning in my throat that I was trying to choke back.

"I know that you think tears are a sign of weakness. But..." He stopped, considering his next words. "Ever since we were _born_, crying was always a sign that you were _alive_."

I swallowed back the tears and rolled over so that my back was to him.

"You don't have to hide your tears from me, Sam. I've known you forever after all."

"Exactly." I forced out, praying my voice wouldn't break.

I felt him scoot closer to me, and then his breath on my cheek. He moved the stray pieces of hair away from my face.

"You're still the toughest girl I know." He whispered into my hair.

Then he was gone, back inside the boundaries of 'his' side of the bed. My cheek tingled as the cold air, attempted to cool the spot he had warmed.

And even if Freddie thought so, I didn't feel like a tough girl.

Lately I've felt like a vase being dropped. I've felt like that moment right before it hits the ground. You know what I mean. You see it falling and you sharply gasp in air then, hold your breath. And, you wait, bracing yourself, because you know that there's no way to stop it, because no matter what…

Everything's going to fall apart.

Freddie wrapped an arm around me, snoring softly, obviously asleep.

Correction: Everything's going to fall apart... Soon.

**AHHHH! Okay, how was that? **

**I hope you aren't getting depressed by this. :( **

**Let me know what you think please, ANY feedback is WANTED and NEEDED. Thanks reviewersssss of Chapter FOUR! You're awesome.**

**Peace. –Ausssssssssie!**


	7. Eyes Open

**AN: I'm soooo glad you guys have liked that last few chapters! This one is going to explain a lot about Sam. I'm afraid ya'll might say she's OOC, but it's crucial to the plot. I just want to remind you of the pageants she did as a child, on stage and all. Keep that in mind. And, I wanna say that this is by far the longest chapter and most work I have done so far! **

**Thanks to my reviewers: OhSoIris, bluejay63, iBrown-eyed-blonde, mamaluvsangst, EmilyHelene, secretagent16, California702, RHfan, seddieforever16, Ang and rachim4. **

**You guys are the nicest ever! I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter! (:**

**I own absolutely nothing, Dang it.**

**ONTO THE STORY! CHAPTER 6!**

I dropped the last box of my things in the floor beside my bed. I had so much I needed to unpack and not nearly enough time to do it. I looked down at the time on my phone and was surprised to see the date. Was today really the 27th already? And, Saturday too! That ladies and gentlemen, means that I have work tonight AND an audition this afternoon. In fact... I looked down at the time on my phone once again and the time 11:40 blinked at me mockingly. Chizz. That audition starts in 20 minutes.

I glanced around at the boxes surrounding me, looking for the one labeled 'clothes' in Freddie's sloppy handwriting. Ah-HA! I hopped over the boxes in my way before ripping the cardboard box open.

Rummaging through the clothing, I found what I had been looking for, a pair of thoroughly worn out jeans. Freddie's 'Special Ham' shirt was going to have to do for today, I decided.

Spinning around, I quickly ran out of my room. As I passed underneath the doorway, I found myself colliding with Freddie. He reached out and steadied me by my shoulders, while looking down at me almost amused.

"What's the rush?" He asked me, chuckling.

I pushed him out of my way irritatingly, as I brushed past him.

"I'm going to be late!" I yelled over my shoulder, barely explaining myself. I slammed the door to the bathroom after me, not having the time to deal with Freddison in there. Not that I would ever tell him that I had an audition. Hey! Guess what, Freddie! You know how I always thought acting and plays and all were lame? Guess again! I'm totally into that now!

Not gonna happen. That would require a great deal of explaining after dropping that bomb on him.

I hurriedly slid my jeans on before turning to a tiny box I had labeled 'bathroom.'

I ripped open the cardboard box, revealing the little amount of makeup I wore on events such as these. I started doing the math in my head, checking the time again. I needed to leave NOW. No, I needed to leave ten minutes ago!

I ran the mascara wand through my eyelashes quickly before storming out of the bathroom.

"Gotta go!" I called to him, while Freddie looked at me obviously surprised.

"Where are you going?" He followed closely behind me as I rushed through the apartment.

"Uhh… Work." I lied, opening the door.

"Wait a second." He said, stepping in front of me, blocking my only exit.

He studied my face. "Are you wearing makeup?"

"So what if I am?" I questioned him rudely.

He cleared his throat, looking away. "When will you be back?"

"Late." I said vaguely.

"What time?" He insisted, looking back down at me.

"I dunno!" I cried, I was getting sick of playing his stupid 20 questions game.

"Where do you even work, Sam?" He looked at me skeptically. Freddie could always tell when I was lying.

"I'm going to be late. We'll talk later." I pushed past him, forcefully and ran down the hall towards to elevator. Stepping into the elevator, I turned around to see Freddie stomping angrily into the apartment, before the elevator doors closed.

I sighed, before running my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face. I couldn't tell him yet.

Wanna hear a nice little story?

Back when I was eighteen, right after we had all graduated there was a time where I… felt lost. Both of my best friends had gone off to college, leaving me behind. I was alone. Sure they called every now and then, but it wasn't the same. Change was something I had grown used to in life, but this was _different._ We ended iCarly that year and without it, I didn't have much going for me to say the least.

That's when I applied at _Nitty-Gritty's_. It was a restaurant most people wouldn't dare even stepping through the doors of, but I hadn't honestly had a choice. I was desperate for some cash, and they were desperate for a waitress. It just fit. I was tough enough to deal with the crowd that often came in and I knew enough street smarts to find my place among it all. The hours are late and the pay pretty much sucks, but like I said. It was finding a job or living in the streets. I guess you can see what I chose.

But, I wasn't happy. I couldn't waitress my whole life, and I knew that. The worst part was how jealous of Freddie and… Carly I was. Guilt twanged in my stomach at the thought of beong jelous of Carly. It's just… they had everything figured out in life! They knew what they wanted to get, who they wanted to be, and how to get there. I didn't have any of those questions figured out. I'm still not sure that I do or if I ever will.

I fell into a depression. Not the type of depression where you lay around in bed all day and cry to yourself. I just felt sort of empty. I followed through the motions of everyday life. Get up, work, and go to sleep, repeat. What did I have going for me? What did I even want to do with my life? I tried to think back to a time where I felt whole. All I could think about was when I was in front of Freddie Benson's camera, earning quite a bit of laughter from kids around the world. I missed the skits and the dancing and performing. I knew that much, but I didn't know what to do about it.

That's when I got the news about Melanie. That was about two years ago. The news hit me hard, and I realized the time I had wasted hating her. She was _my sister_. She was the one person who knew everything about me. But, I had spent so much time angry at her for leaving, that I had wasted my chances at having an actual relationship with my sister. I was so angry at her for leaving me at home, with the mother who tried to mend her broken heart with man, after man. I felt like she had left me to deal with the noise of her crying in her sleep, as she missed our father. I hated her for leaving me to walk alone down the streets of our town, kicking sorry men off of my legs begging for change.

She had told me to apply and go away with her. But, how could I leave Seattle? Who would take care of my mother? And, I had this sorry idea that my father would come home. Who would welcome him? So I waited and she left. I looked at Melanie's choice as leaving _me_, not as leaving that sorry excuse for a town.

But, I realized how wrong that judgment was, as I watched her rot away in a hospital bed. The very last day I was with her, I sat in the hospital room with her. She looked slightly better and was sitting up. I remember thinking that maybe she would be better soon.

I can tell you word for word her last words to me.

"Forgive me." She had said softly, not even looking at me. "I only left because I was too scared to say. I wasn't strong enough to face… everything that you did. Dad... and Mom... it all broke my heart. I had to leave. "

Her eyes looked to dark and her lips were pale. Remembering the apologetic look shining through her transparent skin still haunts my dreams at night.

I stared at her, taking in her features before realizing how long I had waited for that apology. But, I could see now that I had already forgiven her.

"I could never stay mad at you Mel. We're sisters." She smiled at my words and her skin wasn't so dull for a moment, she coughed before continuing.

"Forgive Mom." She told me and I couldn't read her eyes.

I didn't say anything. Because, deep down I knew I couldn't forgive her. The note she had left me at age seventeen was unforgiveable. In her sloppy handwriting the words had read; I've got to start over sometime. I lied. Your father didn't leave us, he was arrested for theft. –Mom.

I guess I shouldn't expect more than that. She never did have a way with words.

I was silent much too long. But, one glance in my twin's eyes had the words coming out of my mouth.

"I will." I lied.

"You're strong, Sam. And, you're not alone." She whispered to me.

I wondered the meaning behind her words and where they were coming from.

"Carly and Freddie are family to you. Don't forget that." She continued.

I rolled my eyes, and my jealousy of them felt similar to anger.

"They don't need me these days." I mumbled, the break in my heart cracking more at my words.

"You're wrong. They'll always need you." She smiled, as her eyes closed peacefully. "You'll always need them."

"Well, they sure as hell aren't around!" I angrily spat, losing my temper as I so famously did. I stood up, pacing around the room.

"Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there." Melanie mumbled lying down. She was asleep so suddenly. I punched a wall as I left that room more confused than ever.

I was so angry. At everyone. Including myself.

My mother for leaving me. For not saying goodbye. For lying to me and then for finally telling me the truth in a damn letter.

My father hadn't left us. He had been arrested. I was so mad at him for choosing alcohol and cigarettes and gambling, over his family. Over _me. _

I was angry at myself for waiting on him, for believing in him. I was mad at myself for _being wrong _about him.

I was jealous that my best friends had gone on in life to become so successful.

I was angry at myself for being mad at them, when I should be proud of them.

I was angry that _I was going nowhere in life. _I didn't know how to fix that.

I hadn't wanted to go home. Maybe it's because of that weird twin telepathy thing but I knew that I shouldn't go. Not yet.

I had sat on the bench outside the hospital thinking about these things when I got a phone call.

Did I go back? I think you can answer that one.

She was dead and I didn't want to see her. I regret that now. But, I didn't want to see the doctors.

The doctors had failed her. They had failed me. They hadn't done their jobs right. That had me more angry than anything.

My sisters last words to me?

"Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there."

Beautiful words that seemed so typical of my sister.

But me? My last words to her had been in anger. My last words to her were profanity!

I buried my face in my hands. I can't tell you how long I sat like that.

But then I heard voices. I looked up right as a couple happily walked out of the hospital. There was a newborn baby in the woman's arms. I looked at them disgusted, as they walked past me. I wanted to show them the pain I had experienced. I wanted to tell them all about how their family would most likely fall apart. The husband would most likely leave his wife or vice versa. Things don't last. Then one day, I guarantee their daughter would grow up and never call. That's stupid life for ya.

But then, something happened.

I saw this girl, probably sixteen or seventeen standing in the doorway of the hospital. She had a single tear streaming down her face and I could see it then.

That this was _her child. _And that little girl had given it up to that couple. Did that hurt that girl?

One look at her face told me yes.

The woman looked over her shoulder and smiled at the girl. I could bet that the woman couldn't see the girl's tears from where she was. The woman placed the baby in a car seat and the girl smiled back as a couple tears spilled over.

That girl very obviously wanted to keep that baby, but I had to guess that she figured that the child would be better off with them and _without her._

I could tell that killed her.

I watched as a young boy, who looked to be about her age walked up behind her. She wiped her tears out of pure pride, before turning to look up at him. He pulled her into a hug, and her shaking body was a cue that she had broken down. She was crying.

That selfless girl taught me a lot about love that day.

That baby wouldn't see her mother. That baby wouldn't even know her mother.

But her mother loved her, and even though that baby wouldn't _see_ her mother's love…

It would always be there.

It was that moment, when Melanie's words rang through my head, it was then that her death hit me.

And it was that moment a first ran. I just got up and left. With tears running down my face, I ran at least a mile before slowing down. I wasn't sure where I was going I just knew I hadn't felt so alive in years. Running made my lungs burn and my body ache and it was reminder to me of how human I was. So, I ran until I somehow found myself in front of a theatre. 'AUDITIONS TODAY!' A sign read, and I don't know why... But I walked in.

Maybe because the sign read 'TODAY!' I knew things needed to change as soon as possible.

Panting, I noticed a woman at the front desk; she smiled at me and asked me if I needed a script. I told her I did and she handed me a thick book. She handed me a paper with different roles and what scene we were to act out to get the part. The play was titled 'Breath of a Death' and the words of the tile seemed to mock me. But, I didn't leave.

I cried on stage during my audition, and the men mistook this for talented acting.

A week later, I had a callback. And two weeks later, I was at my first rehearsal in a leading role. Acting came naturally to me, and I enjoyed being on stage. It oddly felt like iCarly all over again.

Running and acting soon took over my life. I ran in marathons to raise money for cancer in memory of Melanie. And, acting was simply a way to let my emotions show without them actually having to be mine. It was nice being back in the spotlight, like I had been so many years ago on iCarly.

I was 22 then. That was a little more than a year ago.

Then, I got a phone call from Carly. SURPRISE! She and Gibby had been dating in college and they were getting married. The pictures of Carly's Maid of Honor didn't disappoint. I looked completely confused and amused by the odd couple in every single one.

That was the first time I saw Freddie in quite some time. He had stared at me from across the room in his tux, before approaching me. Dancing around the room Carly had decorated for the wedding reception, he had asked me about my life. I had lied. No, I hadn't told him about the acting. I hadn't even told him about Melanie's death. We had mocked each other like when we were teenagers.

It was just like high school when my mother had left. I hadn't told a soul. Not even him. Not even Carly.

After that I went back to Seattle and felt more alone than ever.

My best friend had been married.

But me? The only people I had in my life were temporary. The director, the actors were around until the last show. Then everyone was moving onto the next audition. No one in my life was permanent, and I was very aware if that.

After the wedding, my anger towards my best friends died down and turned into me only missing them.

I missed goofing off with Carly and fighting and torturing Freddie. I missed the never ending stream of nicknames I had for him. I missed everything about him. Them, I mean.

That was until Carly and Gibby moved to Seattle. They had found out that Carly was going to have a baby soon, and wanted to raise it here, where they had grown up.

I was actually pretty psyched they were back. I thought things were _finally _looking up.

Carly and I grew close again, but I kept large pieces of my life a secret from her. I felt like acting and plays were so far from what they would expect from me, that it would be even laughable to them. I didn't want to have to tell them the story that led up to my first audition. I didn't want to tell her about Melanie's death. I once again felt like it was so similar to the time, I hadn't told her about how my mother had left me, back when I was seventeen. She only knew that I ran marathons. But, I didn't tell her how I ran marathons to show myself that I was _alive_. I didn't tell her that they were for Melanie.

Those days, it felt like a majority of our time was built around preparing things for the baby.

"I'll name it when I see its face. Then I'll know its name."

That was Carly's simple answer, when she was asked what she would name the baby.

It was very typical Carly and I had laughed every time she would tell someone that.

And, that pretty much catches you up to my life these days.

That's right folks. Carly had died without even knowing half of the details that made up my life.

Wasn't I a great friend?

I sighed as I stood in front of the doors leading me to my next audition, I desperately tried to block out visions of the past as I readied myself for what came next.

I swallowed my regrets, trying to forget the long list.

Here goes nothing.

I stepped inside and the cool air from the lobby blew my hair away from my face.

"I'm here for the audition." I told the male who sat behind the desk. He adjusted his glasses before addressing me.

"Take a seat over there."

I took a deep breath in as I braced myself for the audition.

-x-

I left the audition feeling somewhat successful, hoping for a callback. The thought filled me with hope but I quickly found myself dreading the night of work ahead. Saturday's always brought in the crowds that were toughest to handle.

"Aye, sweetie. Another round for me and my boys!" I cringed at being called sweetie, and my stomach sickened at the thought of the amount of alcohol the grungy men had already consumed.

I ignored the nickname, knowing better than to be offended by the term 'sweetie.' It could be a lot worse around here.

"You sure you're not drunk enough?" I asked, trying to ignore the reek of the alcohol oozing from their pores.

I picked up the plates that sat on the table in front of them, piling them on the tray as I waited for his answer.

He burped before answering. "Another round!"

The men sitting around him cheered. I felt sick. One of these men could drive home tonight and take the lives of two more innocent people.

"Who drove here?" I asked, feigning innocent interest.

One man proudly raised his hand, before toothily grinning.

"What car?" He rambled off the name and color to me.

"Ohh." I smiled. "Those are nice."

All of the men hooted in agreement.

"Have those drinks right out." I said, turning for the kitchen.

"I'm taking my break." I told Mr. McHaufan stepping into his back office. He was about my height, and he looked at me through bushy eyebrows.

"Ten minutes." He mumbled, angrily before turning back to his work.

That was plenty of time. I stepped out the back door that led to the lot, finding the car the man had described.

Pulling out my pocket knife (Yes, I have one. No questions!) I got to worked. I sliced into the tires, watching them as they went flat.

Guess they weren't driving home.

I grabbed a cigarette off the ground before running back inside. I walked into Mr. McHaufan's office.

"I'm back." I coughed, and threw away the cigarette as if to explain my break.

It would be my alibi. Though anyone who truly knew me, knew I didn't smoke.

I left that night, to the sweet sound of drunken men struggling to all fit into one taxi.

-x-

I opened the door quietly, hoping not to wake Freddie. I figured he and Samara must have fallen asleep hours ago.

I tiptoed inside, using only my cell phone for light. Before I had even made it 3 steps, the lights switched on.

"Where have you been?" Freddie asked me angrily. He looked at my accusingly, awaiting my reply.

"Work." I replied looking bored before nonchalantly passing him.

I walked in the direction of my room, but I could hear Freddie following me.

"Not so fast." He said over my shoulder. "Since when does work last from noon to 3 AM?"

"Since forever. And since when do I have to explain myself to you?"

"Sam." He moaned, looking at me seriously. "Where were you all day?"

"Work!" I insisted, staring him down. I dared him to call my bluff.

"You're lying to me." He said challengingly.

I stared at him, silently wondering if I should tell him about my audition.

"Listen Freddie…" I started but I was soon interrupted.

"Who is he?" He asked simply. His eyebrows were pulled together as he waited for me to answer.

"What?" I asked baffled. He thought I was seeing someone?

Coming to stand in front of me, he continued. "You know what I asked." He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"It's not your business, Freddork." I said, pushing past him heading to the kitchen.

How could he think I was dating someone? At a time like this?

I pulled a box of cereal out of the cabinet before turning to the fridge to grab some milk.

Freddie followed me again.

"What do you mean it's not my business?" He fumed, obviously angry. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen blocking my only way out.

"I mean, that what I did today doesn't concern you." I said, rudely.

He glared at me, before clearing his throat.

"You have responsibilities around here."

"Since when did you turn into my wife?" I asked.

Freddie turned a shape of crimson, from what I assume was rage. He sighed, the color slowly draining from his face before addressing me again.

"You know what I mean. I at least deserve to know where you were today."

"That's where you're wrong Freddo." I said around a spoonful of cereal.

I chewed on it noisily as he spoke.

"That's where you're wrong, Samantha." I cringed at my name. Freddie's anger was evident now as his voice rose. "This is _my _apartment that I've accepted you into. I _at least_ deserve an explanation as to where you've been. I don't even know where you work. In fact, I don't know _anything_ about what your life has been since I've left"

"What makes you think you knew me before that?" I said angrily, standing up. All of my anger from over the years resurfaced. "You didn't know me before that either!"

I approached him, my anger boiling in my blood. "And, maybe if you had stuck around or thought to come back and visit me _once_ in the last five years, I wouldn't be such a damn mystery to you!"

Freddie stood there shocked and stepped out of my way so I could make my way to my room. I left my food sitting on the kitchen table, abandoned.

Slamming the door behind me, I went over to a box that Freddie had labeled 'bedding.' I pulled a blanket and pillow out of the box and flopped down on my sheet less bed.

Lying down, I closed my eyes. I forced myself not to think about what had just happened or what was going to happen. I only wanted to sleep.

For the second time, I was woken by Samara's tears. This time it was easier to get up.

I walked into the living room, right as Freddie did.

"I've got it." He said, refusing to make eye contact with me.

He stared awkwardly at the floor as I turned to leave.

I could hear Samara's tears quiet down as I lay sleepless on my bed.

A soft knock came at my door and I guess my silence was enough of an excuse for him to come in. The door screeched as it opened slowly and he poked his head in to look at me.

"Look, Sam..." He started.

"Go away." I said evenly, my voice monotonous.

"No." He said defiantly.

He sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Listen to me. I'm sorry. I didn't have any right to be angry. I just assumed you've been out all day with... you know. Whoever…" He swallowed before continuing. "… he is. But, that doesn't give me a good reason to yell at you."

I turned so that I laid with my back to him and didn't say a word.

"I guess just the idea that..." He stopped mid-thought. "It's not my business."

He continued.

"But, I just wanted to say sorry. And, I don't think too much has changed. After all, we still argue, Sam and Freddie style."

He chuckled softly, but I didn't join in. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"I haven't changed too much. Well, I have changed some… But… I know deep down you're the same girl I left in Seattle five years ago. I know more about you then you think."

"You're wrong." I said quietly.

He brushed a piece of hair away from my face.

"How am I wrong?"

"You know nothing about my life anymore." I swallowed the lump building in my throat.

"Since I was seventeen crazy, care-free, lazy Sam has been disappearing. In fact, I haven't seen her in a while."

I thought about my words and regretted them. I didn't want to go here with Freddie.

He was silent for a while.

"Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there." He whispered.

The words came as a shock to me and I sat up suddenly.

"What the hell did you just say?" My eyes turned murderous as the came to fix on him.

"Uh, nothing?" He mumbled.

I grabbed him by his collar, pulling him towards me. Our faces hovered inches from each other and his breath was heavy on my face.

"You better start explaining, Benson!" I growled.

"I just.. I just..." He stuttered looking into my dangerous eyes.

"What do you mean you know more about me than I think?" I pulled him closer, the anger bubbled over.

"Tell me!" I yelled.

"A letter!" He said at last, closing his eyes in fear. He was waiting for my rage to turn violent, I guessed.

I released him and he stumbled backwards off the bed to lean his back against the wall.

"Melanie sent it." He said quietly, not making eye contact. Suddenly the floor had become very interesting to him it seemed, because he wouldn't look away from it.

"You knew?" I said, staring at the ground for a moment too, before looking up at him brokenly.

"You knew my sister died and you said nothing?"

"It's not like you think!" He defended. "I only got the letter that night that Samara was born!"

I stopped, staring at him my heart racing awaiting the explanation that was sure to come.

"When I checked in, the receptionist looked a little surprised that my name was Freddie Benson. She asked me if I knew a Melanie Puckett and I told her that I did. She looked so shocked as she explained how a couple years ago, a Melanie Puckett had asked her to give this letter to me. She said Melanie had told her that Samantha Puckett would know the address to send it to, but you had never come back."

He stopped then, to study my face. And I looked guiltily away.

"She had gone on about how she had gone through the Seattle phone book but couldn't find a Freddie Benson. She told me how lucky it was that she had found me. Then she handed me a letter. I didn't read it until I got home that day."

Freddie took a shaky breath in as he finished.

"Show me the letter." I said angrily.

"It was to me." He said evenly, staring at the wall behind me.

"It was my sister! Show me the damned letter!" I cried, as I hopped off the bed and pulled him down so that I stared him directly in the eyes as threateningly as I could.

"Who were you with today?" He asked me, trying to change the subject.

"Show me the letter!"

"You can tell me if you're dating someone. Just because we're raising a kid together doesn't mean.."

"Show me the letter!" I yelled again, punching him in the chest.

"I… Have… To… See…" I punched him between every word. "That…. Letter!"

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, begging him to show me.

"One day." He said, looking away.

"Now." I snarled as menacingly as I could.

"One day." He repeated.

"Now!" I cried out, my voice breaking and the walls that held the tears back began to fall.

He studied my face, the gold ember in his eyes warming. He bit his lip as he considered.

"You're not going to like it." He finally said, turning to walk towards his bedroom.

I was close on his heels as we tiptoed past a sleeping Samara, to his bedroom.

He opened a drawer in the stand beside his bed, slowly pushing papers aside. Finally, he hands wrapped around a white slip of paper, and he held it a moment too long before handing it to me.

I sat on his bed with it in my hands, shaking. The last moments of my sisters life, were in this letter. I unfolded the sheet cautiously, glancing over the girly writing. So Melanie.

_Dear Freddie,_

_It's Melanie. And, yes I do exist silly. _

_I'm writing this because, if I don't tell you, I can almost guarantee no one will._

_You're probably why I'm not sending this to Carly, but I've watched you and Sam over the years, on iCarly, on vacations where I came back home and I've even watched Sam speak about you. I have to say, the relationship between you two is one I can't explain. But, I can almost guarantee Sam has never told you about out childhood._

_Let me tell you a little story._

_For as long as I can remember, Sam had been our father's shadow. She admired him more than anyone and to be frank, for God knows what. When we were about 10 years old, it started. Dad lost his job. But, that didn't stop him from coming home, later and later. Every day the stench of alcohol would fill our home as good 'old Dad got worse and worse. Gambling followed that, and the tiny amount of money we did have was lost at the poker table. So, Dad started robbing stores and breaking into cars to earn money. He very quickly gambled that away too. Of course, the cops got ahold of him when we were about twelve. Our mother lied to us about this, saying he had run away, leaving us behind. Our wonderful mother felt it better to lie to us then tell the truth. You can imagine how well Sam handled it all. She had this theory that he would come back for her one day. I couldn't handle it, so I used my good grades to escape. I left for boarding school the following semester, selfishly leaving Sam to cope alone. _

_When I would come home for vacations, I started to notice a pattern. Sam's eyes grew darker every time I saw her, and the walls she had built up to keep me out, got thicker and taller with every visit. Mom's boyfriends came and went more and more frequently. I wondered how Sam could even tolerate it._

_I would watch iCarly to keep an eye on Sam and it always surprised me how her eyes would be so much lighter. She seemed blissfully happy and I could see it was you and Carly that kept her going._

_Sam was seventeen when our mom left, but even I didn't know until that summer. I'll take a wild guess and say she never told you._

_In a letter she left Sam, she had told her only this; that she was leaving and that Dad had been in jail since we were twelve. She didn't apologize for leaving or fo lying to us. When I had asked Sam if she was okay, she had only shrugged._

_I realized then, how leaving her alone, had been wrong. She should have gone to school with me. The guilt was intolerable, but then she gets a phone call. It's you, Freddie. I watch as the walls in her eyes fall down and the smile on her face as she spits the words 'Whatever, Nub.' remind me of our childhood, before things had fallen apart. And, I realize then that she was right to stay in Seattle. Because that's where you and Carly were. Then, she tells me that she's going to the Groovy Smoothie. 'Later.' She said, before slamming the door behind her. _

_I can't help wondering what role you play in her life and talking to Carly a few years ago, she told me how you gave up the Sea School Trip to save Sam from Miss, when you were younger._

_You can imagine my surprise. But, when I asked Carly how yours and Sam's friendship lasted through the bickering, she told me this. _

"_I know it's hard to see, and it's taken me years to notice. But, they need each other. Even though you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there."_

_That brings me to the conclusion that you care for Sam._

_She's alone and I know that I am writing this in the last hours of my life. My battle with cancer is ending, and soon Carly and you will be all she will have left._

_She's furious with you both. She feels like you both have abandoned her, though she won't admit it. She won't tell you about my death. I can assure that. She won't tell anyone about the pain she endures. _

_If you let her, her pride is going to kill her._

_-Melanie Puckett._

I looked up at him, the tears falling down my face. I was unsure of what to say. Melanie had betrayed my darkest secrets. And, too much had been revealed. Those walls I had built were for safety. And, Melanie had single handedly knocked them all down.

"I'm sorry, I-" Freddie started, but I didn't let him finish.

I stood up and pushed past him, rushing through the living room.

"I don't care what Melanie's told you, I was doing fine before you came back."

I pulled on the tennis shoes that sat by the front door, before swinging the door open.

I was going for a run.

**Hmm. How was that? SO MUCH was revealed this chapter, but some secrets are still there. We've got quite a way to go! So don't worry. It's nowhere near close to being done. I'm kinda hoping for atleast ten more chapters. Maybe less, maybe more. **

**PLEASE DON'T BE TOO DEPRESSED BY THIS STORY. **

**Remember that quote in chapter one? That applies here.**

**And, if you'd like to know a little more about Sam's neighborhood you should read my oneshot The Future is Forever. Even though the story is different, I still picture the neighborhood the same.**

**Thanks guys for the reviews! I love every single one I get it! Can't WAIT to hear what you thought!**

**Peace!- AUSSSSSSIE!**


	8. Mother of Chizz

**AN: Yay! The last chapter got the best and most feedback so far!**

**My happiness is owed to: ****iBrown-eyed-blonde****, ****rachim4****, ****OhSoIris****, ****Seddie101****, ****Kpfan72491****, ****aaamber****, bluejay63, ****Mai Walkins****, ****hogwartsgirl52****, ****ccQTccQT****, ****mamaluvsangst****, ****California702****, ****EmilyHelene****, ****TheUltimateNinja****, and Too Lazy To Log In (It's coming! Don't Stress!). **

**Doesn't that always make you feel a little famous? (:**

**Can't wait to hear what you thought of this chapter!**

**A reviewer said that they wanted to see another side of Freddie.**

**You nailed where I was going, right on the head! (:**

**Disclaimers: Dan's your man.**

***Fade from the annoying author's note you skimmed over impatiently to the story…." (; **

"You shouldn't have come back!" I screamed as the thunder exploded above us.

Freddie only mouthed his words.

I struggled to understand what he was saying. Olive hue?

"You best start talking Benson!" I threatened, before asking the question I'd been asking myself for years. "How could you have left me behind for so long?"

Again, Freddie was mute. His lips moved and no words came out, as I was left to wonder what 'olive hue' could possibly mean.

The rain poured down then, the heavens burst open and it began to pour. Freddie's face seemed to be made of stone and with every drop pieces of Freddie's face would disintegrate, falling off of his bones.

The ground opened up beneath him forming a grave. He hung onto the sides, repeating the words once more.

However, this time the noise cracked louder than the thunder.

"_I love you!"_

_And, with that Freddie sunk down into the grave._

I suddenly sprung up, sitting up straight. Where was I? The question pierced through my mind as the haze from sleeping wore off. Oh yeah. I had taken off last night.

I glanced around me; I guess that's how I wound up in this graveyard.

I very vaguely remember Melanie's burial. It's funny, but I wasn't even the one to put it together. One of Melanie's best friends from school had taken care of everything. I remember meeting her before, but she was different at the service. Her eyes were empty and cold. Before, I had remembered her perkiness irking me, but I had strangely missed it the brief moments I had shared with her before the service.

She had invited all of their friends from high school and had asked me for family members or friends that I would like for her to invite.

I told her that I would take care of it.

I had never mailed the invites to Carly, Spencer or Freddie.

It was early; I didn't have to check my clock to know that.

I was lying on the grass, with my worn out, grass-stained, black vans propped up on Melanie's headstone.

"Hey." I said, feeling slightly insane, just as I had the first time I came here.

"I know I haven't been around in a while."

I had my hands resting behind my head and I watched as the sun broke over the horizon. The streets were dimly lit and the little light of the sun that shone down only highlighted the dust in the air and the dew on the grass.

"Carly died." I swallowed. "Drunk driver. Bastards and their alcohol never fail me, huh?"

If you ever need anyone to show you how to seem pretty insane, I'm your girl. Believe me. I rushed on, talking to Melanie.

"She was twenty-three. Gibby too. Both of them, gone at twenty-three years old."

I zoned out for a moment, getting lost in my thoughts.

"You were only twenty-two. Sometimes I wonder how much time I have left."

I closed my eyes as a breeze brushed across my face, tugging at my hair.

"They had a daughter. Her name's Samara. She's named after me."

I opened my eyes, angry with myself once again.

"I don't deserve it after what I've done."

_What have you done, Samantha? _I imagined her sickly sweet voice asking me.

"I never even told her. About you dying, about how mad I was at her for leaving, about how lonely I was, about acting, I didn't even tell her when Mom left. I hid so much from her, Mel. I'm just..."

The anger pulsed in my veins and I waited for it to pass before speaking.

"I get so mad at myself." I said quietly. "I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know how to change what I've done."

I closed my eyes and laid there for a while, waiting. I guess she didn't have the answer to this one.

"How could you write that letter to Freddie? He wasn't supposed to know. I know damn well I don't handle pity. And don't even think about telling me to swallow my pride! If you were me, you'd understand. Who's ever stuck around for me?" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Me! That's who. I'm the only one I can count on."

I didn't open my eyes for a long time.

_Everyone is going to hurt you. But some people are going to be worth it, you'll see._

"Mel, you don't get it. I'm so close to…" I took in a breath. "I'm so close to losing my mind."

I thought about my long list of regrets, settling in on my biggest one.

Why had I kept so much from Carly?

I laid there on top of my sister's grave, pondering.

"Why didn't I tell Carly?" I finally asked.

_You're a scaredy-cat. _Melanie's voice teased in my head.

"Do you think I should tell Freddie? About everything? Even the parts you left out of your stupid letter?"

_How would you feel, if you lost Freddie and had never told him?_

"I don't know."

_You need to tell him, the real reason you missed him. _

I paused, waiting. Slightly confused.

_You need to tell him that you love him, silly!_

My jar dropped as I sat up straight, staring at my sister's headstone.

"What the hell do you mean I _love _him?"

Flopping back down on the slightly damp grass, I waited.

I didn't get an answer.

* * *

I was riding up the elevator when he called me.

I knew enough about auditions by now, that even if I didn't recognize the number, I knew to pick up.

"Hello?" I inquired.

"Sam Puckett?" A deep voice asked me from the other side of the line.

I popped my gum. "That's me."

"Hi! It's Drake Ager. I'm calling about the film you auditioned for."

My pulse quickened and the doors to the elevator swung open.

I exited the elevator, waiting for him to continue.

"Can you do a callback this afternoon? Three-ish?"

"Yes! That sounds awesome." I chuckled, looking down at my watch. I didn't realize it had gotten so late.

I smiled and felt as I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in.

_Yes!_

After giving me directions and details, we both hung up.

"See you three-ish!" I said, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

This audition was different. It was for a real movie.

I braced myself at the door of the apartment. I guess talking to Freddie would have to wait.

Feeling around in my pocket, I realized what I had forgotten.

Chizz, I left my key.

Sighing, I felt around in my hair, finding a bobby pin.

Haven't had to do this in a while…

I picked at the lock until I heard the victorious c_lick._

"_How are we even going to get in?" Carly asked me._

_I ignored her question as I successfully picked a lock for the first time._

_I had known that skill would come in handy._

"_Oh." She said, quietly. "That's how."_

The memory hit me hard as the door swung open, and I walked inside.

I ran into my bedroom, grabbing a wad of cotton and jeans. I'd been wearing this 'Special Ham' shirt much too long. I rushed to the bathroom, having only 15 minutes before I needed to leave.

The hot water from the shower, relaxed the muscles that any runner or waitress knew, chronically ached.

I heard a knock at the door.

"Sam, is that you?"

"Duh, Fredhead. Who'd else you expect?"

I shut off the water, wrapping myself in a white cotton towel.

"Uh.. I…" I heard Freddie stutter, before the shuffling of feet cued me in that he had left.

After dressing, I raced into the living room.

"Bye, baby!" I called to Samara, who sat in her play pen.

Freddie looked up at me, confused.

"I meant Mara, stupid." I said, my eyes like daggers.

"I _know that_," Freddie explained. "But, I was just about to leave. I was only waiting on you to get out of the shower to watch Samara."

"I've got to go!"

"Yeah, well… Me too!" Freddie spat back at me, jumping up.

I huffed as Freddie paced back and forth through the room.

I terrible idea struck me.

"Call Crazy." I deadpanned, seeing no other choice.

"No!" Freddie said, obviously outraged. "I'm not exposing her to... to _that_!"

"Come on.." I muttered. "_You_ turned out fine."

We both stopped momentarily, slightly shocked by my words.

"I mean. Barely…" I covered quickly.

"You think I'm fine, Sam?" Freddie mocked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Barely." I reminded him, smirking. "And I think you're calling your mom."

"Now!" I ordered as I hurried towards the door.

"Fine!" Freddie called from behind.

"Just like me!" I heard him tease just as the door shut behind me.

* * *

"Sam Puckett?" A woman called, after waiting for an hour. I could have been home, saving Samara from Crazy. Who knows what kind of rhymes she had tried to teach her? I shuttered at the thought.

"Sorry for the wait, but the director was late." She explained, leading me to the audition room.

Her accidental rhyme only reminded me more of Mrs. Benson. _Poor Samara._

"G'luck." She called, as she headed back to the reception area.

My heart quickened and my stomach dropped. Sweet mother of chizz, _don't_ let me mess this up.

I turned the knob on the door, momentarily closing my eyes. Character, Sam. Breath. In character.

The room was larger than I expected and included a tiny stage, big enough for two or three people.

The stage was well lit, but the small section for the audience was stone black.

"Scene 5, start at line 13." A voice commanded me.

Suddenly the small auditorium was filled with a choking-like cough.

"You okay?" A voice whispered and the noise died down.

"Action." A strangled, but familiar voice called.

I read through my lines fairly well and on my last line, the lights in the whole room flickered on.

Sitting between two other men, Freddie Benson's shocked face reflected my own.

* * *

I slammed the door closed behind me, glad to be away from Benson.

Mrs. Benson turned around, grinning toothily at me. _They're freakin' everywhere!_

"How was your date?" She asked girlishly.

"What are you talking about?" I said warily, taking Samara from her arms.

"Sugar, meat, gluten, scissors and late night TV are _awesome._" I whispered in her ear, trying to save her from the hours of brainwashing she had endured.

"Freddiebear told me that you had a date today and he had to work. Right?"

I cleared my throat, focusing on Samara to control my anger.

"_I had to work." _I said slowly. "I'm not dating anyone and I wish your _son _would stop insistin' I was."

"Listen, Samantha. I understand the situation here is indeed a little bit of an odd one, but I have some rules for you two so that everything works nice and dandy." Her words were sickly sweet.

I scoffed, waiting for her to speak just to get it over with.

"No leaving your bedroom's after 9 O'clock PM." She said, waving her finger in my face.

"No going into each other's bedrooms, _ever_." She said her nose up in the air.

"Don't worry Mrs. B, one baby is plenty for now." I said frankly.

She reddened before continuing.

"And, lastly. No torturing my son like I know you have in the past!" She said with a humph.

I looked away for a moment, before standing up.

"Kay, we'll see. You can beat it now, Mrs. B." I said over my shoulder, as I headed to my room with Samara in my arms.

* * *

An hour later, I could hear the door being shut.

I listened as the sink turned on in the kitchen and my pulsed raced as I thought of what I was going to do.

I put Samara in her crib before cautiously walking over to the kitchen.

My footsteps gave me away. Freddie put down the dish he had been washing and turned around to face me.

"Sam, I-" He started but I silenced him with a wave of my hand.

I hopped up onto the island in the middle of the room, my feet dangling of the edge.

Lying backwards with my hands behind my head, I focused in on a tile on the ceiling.

"I act." I said simply.

"I got that today, but-" I cut him off again.

I stopped and considered my next words.

"I run marathons to raise money for cancer research. But, I always sign up as Melanie. 'Melanie Puckett' is a frequent donator at the hospitals these days." I ran my fingers through my hair, thinking of how to explain. "I'm not sure why I do that…"

I squinted seeing how crazy I sounded, as I glanced over at Freddie. His mouth hung open slightly, staring at me. Looking away quickly, I was careful not to give him enough time to let him speak.

"My mother did leave when I was seventeen." I nodded at no one in particular. Then, I shook my head, biting my lip. "I didn't tell you guys. I don't know why." I swallowed, continuing. My eyes turned to stone, as I thought of the next topic I would address.

"I'm thinkin' good 'ole dad was probably released from jail about a year ago. I haven't seen him since I was twelve and I'll be damned before I do." I was trying hard to keep my face and voice even, so that I wouldn't reveal too much.

I stopped there, but Freddie didn't say anything. It was like he knew I wasn't finished.

"When you and Carly left…" I stopped and sighed. "I didn't know what to do with myself. I was mad at you both for so long."

Embarrassment hit me then, and I sat up. My legs dangled over the edge.

"So..." I coughed. "Yeah. That's it." I hopped down from the counter, heading for the door.

"Wait." Freddie said from behind me.

I turned around slowly as he approached me.

"I wasn't happy when I left." He said, staring at me seriously.

"At least you weren't alone, Fredweeb." I snarled. I could feel the pools of blue in my eyes freeze over.

"That's what didn't make sense to me either. Well, at least for a while."

"You were at the same college as Carly and Gibby. You had your best friends with you."

He placed a finger under my chin, and I quickly swatted it away.

"Not all of them." He said gently, rocking on his heels.

I looked at him with confusion and fear. I wasn't sure, but I felt like this was going to cross every line we had spent years drawing. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't sure I'd _ever _be ready for that.

I took a step away cautiously looking up at him unsurely.

"I spent my whole high school life thinking I was in love with Carly. But sophomore year of college… Suddenly, I'm setting her up with Gibby. Even weirder, I was happy for them."

He scratched the back of his neck, looking up at the ceiling.

"I was so confused with myself. I didn't get why I felt like something was missing in life."

"So… I focused on my school work. I graduated early, after putting in extra time, getting extra credits. Next thing I know, I'm in some office, being handed promotions on a silver platter."

I stared at him, wondering where this was going. The brown in her eyes were almost as dark as his pupils, the only light in his eyes were the burning flecks of gold.

"I don't know how to explain to you how empty I felt. I was only one year into my career when I found myself quitting. I hadn't planned it, but was the day after Carly's wedding, a day after I had seen you. I just… jumped in my car and drove away."

He turned around, running his hand through his hair before facing me again.

"I spent months driving from motel to hotel. I didn't even tell my mom I had quit. I almost blew all my money right there. But on my 22nd birthday, I found myself sitting on a bench outside Bushwell Plaza. I was trying to think of a time I was genuinely happy. I thought of all the times I had been behind the camera and setting up the iCarly website."

He cleared his throat and refused to make eye contact with me. After his eyes swept over everything in the kitchen, his eyes landed on mine.

"I went inside and visited Spencer. He told me I could stay with him. So with the money I had left, I invested in a company that was just taking off. It was a wise move, but I wasn't sure what to do with the money. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my life…"

"Spencer left, looking for inspiration in art. I agreed to pay rent, if I could stay there while he was gone. And then, Carly called me telling me she was 6 months pregnant. I didn't even know they were in Seattle. "

"So, I spent my time investing my money. I was good at it, but I wasn't happy. I had a small fortune on my hands, but nothing to do with it."

"Then, Samara was born. And… I saw you for the first time in _so_ long."

"And, in one of our arguments, I hear myself telling you that I wanted to design websites. I had never even considered it, but how could I tell you how lost I was? I wasn't worthy of..."

He stopped there, changing his sentence.

"I just couldn't tell you."

"I went home that night and read that letter Melanie had written me. I wanted to call you, but I didn't know what I would say. I didn't want you to know I was temporarily living in Spencer's apartment, just rotting away. I just… I had to change things."

"So, I started designing websites and I was actually good at it... I enjoyed it, to an extent. But, I knew there was something else I could do. I designed a website for this script writer, Drake Ager. He gave me this idea. So, I used my money to buy myself an apartment when Spencer got back."

He gestured towards his apartment.

"After he learned about all my background with directing, you know… Ginger Fox, and that music video, and iCarly… We decided to try to get his script signed and I would direct the film."

"It got signed." He smiled. "And, next thing I know… I'm calling you, inviting you to a party to celebrate."

He sighed.

"I was finally someone. And, I knew that only thing was missing…"

Somehow, at the end of all the confessions, we found ourselves standing only inches apart.

I looked up at him, and he brushed a piece of hair away from my face, as he leaned down.

Samara interrupted then, crying her tiny lungs out.

I let out the air I was holding, pushing past him.

"Got it!" I called over my shoulder.

I rushed out of the kitchen, not wanting to fall in any deeper with Freddie.

I mentally told myself to breath as I looked over the edge of the crib.

"Hi, Mara." I cooed say reaching down for her.

Picking her up gently, I sat down on the floor with her.

I silently prayed that Freddie would give me some time alone.

I picked up the remote, switching on Freddie's plasma screen TV. I flipped through a few channels before a weight loss infomercial came on.

"Look, Mara! You can dance off the fat!" She looked up at me, her brown eyes shining happily.

With her hands wrapped tightly around my fingers, I brought her up to her feet.

"To the left!" I said, repeating the woman on TV as I playfully bounced Samara around.

"Now the right!" I once again mocked, leading Mara through the motions.

The woman then showed us her much too large jeans that she 'had once fit into.'

I laughed at the ridiculous commercial.

"That could be you, Mara. Think of the baby fat you would lose!" She giggled at the expression on my face.

"Change your life for only 19.95!" The woman claimed, but I wasn't listening anymore.

"_All of this for only 19.95!" Carly said excitedly gesturing towards the junk we had found around the loft earlier that day._

"_But that's not all!" _

"_No, it is not!" _

_Carly and I exchanged a look as Freddie laughed from behind the camera._

"_You also get…" I started._

"_This gen-u-ine... picture of dirt!" Carly smiled._

"_And look at this right here!" I snatched the paper from her hands._

"_It bends!" I said, mocking a southern accent._

_Carly and Freddie laughed._

_We had closed the show and gone to the Groovy Smoothie to read the comment boards._

Freddie chuckled from behind me.

The memory hurt and had me gasping for air.

I put a happy Samara in her play pen before rushing to my room.

"Your turn." I yelled over my shoulder.

I needed time to think, to sleep…

Thinking over what Freddie had told me, I wondered...

I wondered what he thought was missing in his life.

But more than anything, I wondered what was happening between us.

Because, I knew that 'enemies' wasn't cutting it anymore.

**AN: ALRIGHTTT! Now we know a little more about Freddie! Director? Did you see that coming?**

**What's missing from his life? How will Sam handle all the stress?**

**Hmmmmmm….. (:**

**Reviewing makes the world go round. Or at least, a chapter go up sooner. Same thing. Right?**


	9. Tripping in Our Hearts

**Aussie Note:**

**Who's a happy author? ME!**

**Who's that happiness owed to? **

**Herahell Cba to login, youarethelight, jesse's girl 95, kppm13mylife, WeWe2491, Kpfan72491, RaindropLove, OhSoIris, ober22, iBrown-eyes-blonde, EmilyHelene, hogwartsgirl52, mamaluvsangst,bluejay63, California702, aaamber, TheUltimateNinja, and rachim4!**

**Hope you liked you're famous moment. (;**

**Thannksss so much for the kind words on chapter seven, and here comes **

**CHAPTER EIGHT: **

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As soon as I woke up, I noticed that for the first time, I had slept through the whole night. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Samara's cries hadn't woken me up.

Contemplating this, I rolled over so that I was facing the window. I stared out the window at the terrace that extended from my window, all the way to Freddie's.

I was surprised to see Freddie sitting in a lawn chair. I saw up, pulling myself out of the bed. I paused at the window and scoffed at the similarities to _that night on the fire escape. _I rolled my eyes as I found a cotton hoodie on the floor and slipped it over my shoulders before turning to the window. It slid open easily, unlike my screechy one at home that was prone to getting stuck at the worst times.

I swung one leg over the window frame and ducked through, my eyes never leaving Freddie. However, his eyes were fixed on the sun that was rising on the horizon. His brown eyes were still and glossed over, and I could tell he wasn't actually _seeing _what was in front of him. He looked deep in thought and I stopped in my tracks. I considered turning around and going back.

"Hey." His voice cracked, his eyes never leaving the horizon.

My breath caught, his greeting had surprised me.

The buzz from the morning traffic was floating noisily up from the streets and if I hadn't been concentrating on Freddie so intently, I wouldn't have noticed he had spoken.

Wind blew through and tugged at my knotty bed-head hair as I spoke.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked.

"Thinking." He said evenly, still staring at the rising sun.

I sat down on the cold metal of the terrace, before speaking again.

"Thinking about what?"

"You can have my seat, Sam. Get off the floor." Freddie offered.

I ignored him.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Them and…" He sighed. "_us." _

I swallowed back the thick burning in my throat.

"What about them?" I said quietly, choosing to ignore his mentioning to 'us.'

He looked down at the floor before looking up to my eyes.

"Do you ever think it's my fault?"

My heart dropped in surprise.

"How could it be your fault?" I said, my tone filled with disbelief.

"It was_ my_ damned party they were coming to, they'd be at home right now if I hadn't invited them to a party."

"They'd be alive right now if the babysitter hadn't been late." I shot back at him, angrily.

He let out a breath he had been holding.

"Sam, I just… can't stop blaming myself."

I stood up furiously, glaring at him.

"Well, stop! _You_ have no reason to be mad at yourself!"

I realized my anger was more towards myself than towards him, it was weird to hear my emotions coming from his mouth.

_I _was the one angry at myself. He had no reason to be.

I expected him to be surprised by my outburst, but he only stared at me, waiting.

The boy knows me too well.

"Carly died without knowing anything about me." I said quietly. "I kept everything from her."

"What do you mean?"

"All of that stuff I told you last night… I never told her."

I expected him to ask me why, but he didn't. He knew me well enough to know that the answer was _pride._

He knew me well enough, to know that him asking me wouldn't get him answer.

Freddie stood up, looking at my concerned. He took a step towards me, quietly.

He cupped my face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears I hadn't realized had fallen.

The anger pulsing in my veins slowed.

"Listen… Sam." He said softly, his eyes never leaving mine. "Carly isn't one to hold a grudge. You only need to forgive yourself."

I turned my head and his hands fell from my face back to his sides. Waiting for the anger to pass, I looked down until I felt the tears stop and my eyes hardened. I turned, walking to the living room doors but Freddie caught my hand, turning me around.

"I was also thinking about you." He said boyishly, staring into my eyes. "About everything you told me, last night."

I controlled my face so that it held a blank expression, I wasn't letting my emotions play on my face.

"And, I know you're doing it again. Trying to keep me out by acting like you're emotionless." My eyes widened slightly and a small smirk played at his lips.

"But, I'm going to say it anyway." He said.

I noticed he still held my hand and he pushed the hair out of my face with his free hand.

"You… are amazing, the things you do." He nodded.

"And.. you're heart…" He breathed out heavily, not finishing his sentence. "And out of everyone I've ever known, you by far are the strongest person I know. When I'm around you I-"

He looked embarrassed by his words that were coming, but the vibrating of his phone interrupted him.

Glancing at the screen, he dropped my hand.

He pressed talk and took a step away from me.

"Hey Spencer."

My heart stopped as I waited.

"We wouldn't miss it."

He listened and his face dropped momentarily, before he rambled off his address for Spencer, hanging up.

He ran his fingers through his hair and the ghost of the expression I had seen when he had told me they died, played at the corners of his eyes.

"Their memorial service is Friday." He said his voice monotonous, walking past me back into the apartment.

I stood there in shock for a moment before following Freddie back into the apartment.

I glanced at Samara's crib, seeing that she was still asleep.

"Wow, she's been sleeping for a long time." I commented.

"She didn't sleep at all last night." Freddie said steadily.

"But…" I stopped. "I didn't hear her."

"I took care of it, don't worry about it." His voice was scarily even and I knew something was wrong.

"Where's the funeral?"

Freddie was sitting on the couch, staring intently at Samara who's crib was on the other side of the room.

"There isn't one. It's just a memorial service."

I stared at him, confused.

"Their bodies… aren't able to be… viewed." He swallowed, looking away.

My stomach flipped, making my nauseous. I felt like my legs were going to give out, so I sat beside Freddie on the couch.

"The wreck flipped the car several times." He explained, his eyes wary. "Carly's skull and spine were cracked."

His eyes were filled with tears and I saw him blink them back.

"It was a sudden death, she didn't suffer long." He said, pulling me into his arms, my cheek rested on his chest and he started playing with my my hair.

"Gibby?" I asked, my voice dangerously close to breaking.

"Organ donor and then cremated." He remarked, his mind obviously still on Carly.

He looked down at me, studying my face.

"Don't leave me again." I said suddenly, the words slipping. I hadn't meant to say the words.

He smiled gently, but the spark didn't reach his eyes.

I felt his uneven heart beat underneath my cheek.

"I couldn't."

-x-

"Thank you, Mr. Ager!" I said, bouncing on my heels.

"Call me Drake." He laughed before saying our goodbyes.

I ran into the kitchen where Freddie was heating up baby formula.

"Dude! I got the part!" I said, running towards him.

He turned around, grinning and pulled me into a hug.

"You were awesome at that audition. Way better than the other girls." He whispered, chuckling in my ear, before burying his face in my neck.

We stayed that way a beat too long.

I pulled away, clearing my throat. I could feel the heat rising in my face and I oddly felt like a love-sick teenager.

Wait. What the chizz did I just say?

I looked up at him embarrassed and took a step back, trying to put distance between us.

Freddie only smiled at me boyishly before smirking.

"Woah, I didn't know Pucketts even knew how to blush." He feigned shock, staring at me knowingly.

"They don't." I said, taking another step away from him.

"Mhm." He said sarcastically and smiled, before turning back to the stove.

"Got something to say, Benson?" I challenged, not so gently shoving him.

He spun around, his eyes glowing playfully.

"Only that I make you a little nervous, huh?" He stepped towards me, amused.

I took a step forward, and scoffed.

"If you knew what was good for you, you'd still be scared of me. Like, when we were younger."

He stepped forward too, lowering his head. He stared attentively into my eyes as I glared back into his.

"I…" He said softly smiling, his voice rough with emotion, "Am _terrified _of you."

Our faces were inches apart and my face burned.

He ran a thumb across my cheek and I swallowed.

I had to get out of this situation.

I brought my hand up, slapping him across the cheek.

Not hard enough to hurt him, but sudden enough to shock him.

"Good." I said smiling as I walked out of the room, leaving a breathless Freddie behind.

"Because, you should be."

-x-

I sat at a table in front of Drake Ager and Freddie Benson, co-directors of the movie.

We had just finished a three hour long table read. I sighed exhaustedly, looking around. I was surrounded by other actors and actresses, with the male lead, Justin, in the chair beside me.

He smiled at me as I glanced at him.

I let my mind wander to how Samara was doing with Mrs. Crazy Benson. How had Freddie dealt with her for eighteen years?

I thought it over considering.

It would be nice to have a mom care about you that much though.

I tried to ignore that thought, and I focused back on what Drake was saying.

"We'll be rehearsing and doing some more table reads this week, but then…. we're off to Italy for filming!"

Ah, so this was the surprise Drake had mentioned earlier.

Freddie and I exchanged a look of surprise. Freddie had vaguely explained our living situation to Drake, who had found the whole thing very convenient for him. Exclaiming something along the lines of, 'I can reach my two main peeps on the same line? Sweet!'

I rolled my eyes at the memory.

"I'm flying out Friday morning to look at the location, and get everything set up and running." He smiled triumphantly at us.

"Here's a filming schedule," He said, handing a stack of folders to each end of the table. "If you don't fly down Friday, you'll need to be there _on time _for your scenes. You can stay in a trailer, supplied by the company or you can choose to pay for your own hotel. Though, I suggest you make arrangements in advance..."

I could see the wheels turning in Freddie's head, already planning our trip.

Justin handed me a folder, again smiling at me. His blue eyes stayed on mine for a moment too long, and I could already tell how filming with him was going to be.

Freddie and I walked out of rehearsal and onto the streets without saying a word.

He hailed a cab, one pulling over almost immediately and we slid inside.

"So, I'm thinking after the memorial, we'll leave that night." Freddie said, finally breaking the silence.

"What about Samara?" I asked, looking over at him.

"She'll come too." He said, as if it were obvious.

"Who's going to take care of her? I'm in almost every single scene and you, Mr. Director, have to be around for every scene. Have you even looked at this schedule? We have an entire month of filming in Italy."

"Babysitters?" Freddie's eyebrows were pulled together as he shrugged.

"Would Carly have wanted that?" I said, knowingly.

"I don't know, Sam. We'll figure it out."

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I finished curling the last bit of my hair, and dabbed on the bit of lip gloss I was grudgingly wearing.

I looked down at the dress I had bought for Melanie's burial. I swallowed and held back the tears that I knew would come. Seems like every time I pulled out this damned dress, another bit of my heart broke off.

I hated this dress.

"Ready to leave?" Freddie asked, stepping in my room.

"Wow." He breathed, his eyes growing wide as he looked me over.

I rolled my eyes, trying not to let them linger too long on him.

Freddifer had cleaned up well, in an all-black suit. Eh. Who knew?

"Let's get this over with." I muttered pushing past him.

"After you, then, Princess Puckett." He mumbled.

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I sat through the generic service. My blood boiled at how the whole thing was so impersonal.

Not anything like she would have wanted.

It reminded me of the time we had crashed that pie maker's memorial.

I guess this was karma.

I didn't let a single tear fall, and not just because we were in public.

Wanna know why the real reason why?

Freddie held my hand, the _whole _time.

Wanna know the worst part?

I didn't even freakin' notice, until half way through the service.

Yeah. That's right, I glance down and there they were. Our hands all intertwined and chizz.

My stomach dropped and I yanked my hand back.

Freddie looked at me confused.

"Nervous?" He whispered, smirking down at me.

A challenge. And you know Mamma when it comes to a challenge

I slid my hand back into his and scooted closer, and rolled my eyes.

I grinned evilly up at him, and Freddie's eyes grew large.

He refused to look at me as he stared straight ahead.

"Scared?" I whispered back.

"Not even close." He scoffed.

My heart picked up in double time, because even if Freddie wasn't scared... I was.

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The service came to an end.

"Sam! Freddie!" Spencer's voice rang out.

We realeased each other's hands simultaneously, before hopping up.

He pulled us both into a hug, pushing Freddie and me together.

"I'm so glad you guys are here." His voice broke.

I pulled back and saw Spencer's face.

His expression was filled with grief. The bags under his eyes showed his sleep exhaustion, and I could tell that Spencer had taken it even harder than Freddie and I combined.

My heart painfully stuttered as I looked at the man I had always looked up to.

He looked down at Samara then and his expression completely changed.

He smiled at her, and the spark hit his eyes.

"Hey Samara. It's Uncle Spencie." He bent down to the stroller's height and grinned at her.

Samara laughed at the expression on his face as he continued to talk to her in baby-speak.

And then an idea hit me.

Spencer needed this and I could see that.

"Could you do us a favor?"

Freddie looked over at me surprised, waiting for what I could possibly do next.

"Anything." Spencer said, looking up at me.

I then explained to him how I had gotten a part in a movie and Freddie was directing it. This earned us both a hearty congratulations from him.

"Watch Samara for a month, while we're away." I said, simply.

His face lights up again.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, dude. It would help us out." Freddie said, smiling over at me.

Spencer glanced between us, smiling.

"Yeah… I'd love to do it." He finally said.

Now for a month, alone-ish in Italy…. With Freddie.

Oh chizz.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**Aussie Note: **

**Alright guys. So let's go over that!**

**They're going to Italy for a month! **

**And Samara is staying behind! :(**

**And Spencer is back! :)**

**They won't be completely missing from the story, and I'm planning on this story being pretty long, so don't worry! Samara & Seddie moments will be back eventually. She is 10 months old right now, thought you'd like know.**

**In the next chapter, we're heading to Italy! **

**You guys leave the NICEST reviews, and I love every single one. I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter and the story thus far!**

**Peace. –Aussieeeeee.**


	10. Never Ssay Never Ever

**I'm ALIVE! I was just MIA for a while, but I'm back.**

**Fo' da cool folk: Ive forgot my password (That sucks! Hope you remembered it!), Yorke432, PINKYisNUMBER1, kppm13mylife, Mistress of the Strange, KingxLeon21 (Thanks for so many long reviews!), misstinkerbell18 (Tinkerbell is my favorite character!), Miaralie27, sacha k, earth-fairy2006, VeVe2491, Herahell, Seddieforeverx3, OhSoIris, EmilyHelene, ThePenIsMighty , BeautifulDreamer.x, iBrown-eyed Blonde,aaamber, kpfan72491, mamaluvsangst, bluejay, California702, hogwartsgirl52 (that was my favorite part to.) **

**Some of you send the longest reviews and I absolutely adore them. I love hearing about your favorite partsss! All of them are so sweet, and I hope you enjoy this next IMPORTANT but short chapter.**

**To the story!**

"Honey, you think the babysitter will be alright, right?"

Carly looked over at Gibby worriedly as he sat behind the steering wheel. Gibby chuckled at her expression.

"Of course, Carls. No need to worry."

"She was late though, that just seems so _unprofessional." _Carly said, crinkling her nose in disgust

"Mara will be fine, I promise." Gibby said as he leaned over to kiss her cheek, as he pulled away he saw the lights approaching the vehicle.

The lights were blinding and for a moment Gibby and Carly squinted in confusion of what was happening.

The collision was loud, and sent the car toppling onto its side. Gibby got the impact, and was killed instantly... The car rolled and for a moment I saw the fear in Carly's face as she stole one last glance at Gibby.

And then the car was crunched in, the metal bent in unsightly ways.

I woke with a start, breathing heavy irregular breath.

"Mornin' sunshine." Freddie said, as I pulled my head off his shoulder.

My back ached from sleeping in a crappy airline chair.

I attempted to stretch as a desperate attempt to relieve my aching back. My attempts were to no avail.

I grunted, ignoring the fact that I had laid on Freddie's shoulder for…

I glanced around for the time.

Probably seven hours.

Damn it.

"Bad dream?" Freddie asked.

I stared straight ahead, expressionless.

"Me too." He said, breathing out. "Almost every time I sleep." He confessed.

I glanced over at him, hoping to get a glance at his eyes, at his emotions.

I nod slightly, barely tilting my head.

That was as much of an agreement as I was going to give.

I cleared my throat, looking over at him.

Then the words I had kept to myself for so long, slipped.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked, randomly.

He smiled slightly, looking amused by my question.

"I don't know." He said honestly, running his fingers through his hair, before continuing quietly. "I've always cared about you."

I stopped, my stomach dropping in surprise. I decided to change the subject.

"I only held hands with you, to call you out. I thought you would wimp out." I confessed.

He turned his head to face me, smirking slightly. Freddie looked into my eyes knowingly.

"I know." He said simply. "But, I thought I should enjoy it while it lasted." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Enjoy it?" I said, my eyesgrowing wider.

"You know… You're not inflicting unnecessary amounts of pain on me lately." He explained.

I slapped him, playfully and he chuckled. The laughter died down and his eyes were still on mine.

"You loved holding my hand." I said, teasingly. Laughing, I leaned back in my seat.

"You're right." Freddie replied seriously staring in my eyes.

I rolled my eyes, playing it off as well as I could.

It seemed like our newest element of our relationship was teasing each other, instead of fighting with each other.

Fights weren't so practical when you were raising a child together, and that went unspoken between us.

But, I admite even before that... The fights in high school had even died down.

"If you're in love with me just say so!" I said, repeating the words he had spoken to me years ago, smirking at the simularities.

I could tell he got the reference, by looking at the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"You wouldn't be able to handle that." Freddie said, smirking cockily. And yes I noticed.. Not quite admitting. Not quite denying.

But, I wouldn't be able to hand it. That was true. If there was one thing I had learned at an early age, is was that being attached to someone only meant losing a part of you when they left.

"You wouldn't be able to handle _me_." I said, glaring at him.

I realized then, where this conversation was leading. Our playful banter had suddenly taking a serious turn.

"I've handled you for twelve years." Freddie said, rolling his eyes.

"No, I've _put up with you_ for twelve years." I corrected.

Freddie stopped, thinking.

"You realize when Samara turns eighteen… We'll have been together for thirty years."

I stared at him momentarily fixated on the word 'together.'

"So?" I questioned, though I knew the significance. I didn't want to hear about it.

"Remember when we were ten and we visited Carly's mom at the hospital?"

_Yes._

"The story she told us?"

He took my silence as encouragement to continue.

"About the man, who found a stone and kept it in his drawer for thirty years, until he found it a diamond one day. Then, he used it to marry his fiancé. And, how she told us about how patience leads to beauty."

He stared at me.

"If you ask me," I said frankly, "His girlfriend was tired of waiting for him, and planted the diamond there herself."

He chuckled at this. "He should have proposed with the stone?"

I nodded.

"She wasn't ready for him to." He said, staring into my eyes.

"You don't know that."

"The point of the story is timing and patience. Things work out if you wait."

"Nothing ever happens if you wait." I said, imagining the many times I had told myself I would tell Carly about everything.

I was aware then, of how long we had stared into each other's eyes.

"I'll try to remember that." Freddie said, obviously contemplating something. He turned to the window, deep in thought.

* * *

"Names?"

"Sam Puckett and Freddie Benson." Freddie said evenly, staring at the elderly Italian woman.

"We only have one room left." The woman said.

"We'll take it." I said, exhaustedly. I was dead on my feet; this was the third hotel we had tried.

"We have strict policy. Married couples only, we don't except inappropriateness." The woman said suggestively.

"And it is very obvious you are not siblings." She said, eyeing us suspiciously.

Chizz. Mamma needs her sleep.

I slid Freddie's arm around me and looked up at him lovingly.

"But we are married!" I said disgustingly cheerfully, the woman's eyes widened slightly. "I kept my last name, because I'm the last in my family."

"Samantha Puckett-Benson." I said, the words dancing off my tongue for the first time.

Freddie arm tightened around my waste at this and smirked down at me.

The woman stared doubtfully at us.

"So, can we have that room now?" I asked.

"Where is your ring?"

"I took it off, for the metal detector at the airport and I haven't put it back on yet." I fired back.

"How long have you been married?"

"8 months." I answered, pretending to count in my head.

"Married on December 13th." I smiled, cringing on the inside for what I was about to do.

I pushed myself on tiptoes and swiveled in Freddie's arms until my breath was at his cheek.

Gently, I pressed my lips to his jaw. I ignored the dropping feeling in my stomach.

I prayed to God Freddie couldn't hear the extra loud thud of my heart.

Cool it, Sam. Acting.

I giggled, girlishly. "Right, honey?"

"Best day of my life." Freddie said gently, looking me in the eyes. I could see the surprise from the kiss he was hiding.

I smiled as Freddie brushed a piece of hair from my eyes.

The woman cleared her throat breaking the moment between us. I looked down at her out stretched hand to see a small room key.

Lying is my specialty.

I followed Freddie down a narrow hallway to our room.

The key clicked inside the lock, and the door swung open.

Flipping the light switch on, a small room was revealed.

One bed.

Not a king size like Freddie's. Not even a queen size.

I was reminded of the twin size bed I had when I lived with my mother.

This one couldn't have been much bigger.

"Uh…" Freddie mumbled in confusion.

"Dibs."

"No. You're sharing that with me."

"In your dreams." I shot back, teasingly.

"What's the matter, wifey?" Freddie mocked, before turning serious. "There's not even a couch. Come on, Sam. We'll fit."

"Sleep on the floor." I said blankly, putting my suitcase on the counter.

I unzipped it, revealing stacks of clothes.

Pushing a pair of jeans aside, I found the t-shirt and sweatpants I was looking for.

"You sleep on the floor."

"What did you say Benson?" I growled, spinning around to face him.

He swallowed, doing his best to stay calm.

"I'm only saying that we can both sleep in the bed... So why should one of us sleep on the floor?"

I glared at him, trying to think of a way out.

"Unless… You're scared to sleep with your husband?" Freddie chuckled.

I scoffed at this, more afraid of losing the challenge than afraid of him.

"I'm taking that as you being petrified." He laughed.

I laid down, pulling the covers closely around me.

"Sleep where ya want. I could care less." I said grumpily, rolling over.

"Gracias, Senorita." He said, sliding under the covers.

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore three things.

One: The lack of space between us.

Two. His breath on my neck.

And three… the pounding of my heart.

* * *

I found myself lying awake , thinking.

Leaving Samara with Spencer was the right thing to do. Right?

Carly would have wanted it, I think.

_Carly. _

I pushed the thought back, bottling up the pain for some other time.

Freddie's arms were wound around my waist, and his face was inches from mine.

_I wonder what he's dreaming about. _

My thoughts rambled on like this. Some things pointless, some things important.

I studied his face as he slept.

My heard skipped a beat and my breath caught just as it had so many times since, _that night on the fire escape. _

_You'll have to face it one day._

Don't be shocked, because I knew exactly what that meant.

On TV and on movies, characters always have this big epiphany about their feelings.

Let me tell you how it is.

You meet this guy, who annoys the absolute hell out of you.

It's not love at first sight, I'll tell you that.

You think about ways to get at him. You think about conversations that could have gone differently. You think about new ways to act like a smartass.

You think about him all the time. _I hate him! _you think, but you don't.

Because then something happens.

He stares in your eyes a few seconds too long, your hands brush when you're walking side by side, or maybe he gives up an awesome cruise to save your life from destruction… and then suddenly your stomach drops.

Or, maybe he talks about other girls and you feel that tiny pang of jealousy.

And it sucks.

It sucks so freakin' bad.

Because there's that tiny voice inside your head or maybe a tiny piece of your heart that's always him.

But your brain tells you, _No_.

And it's as simple as that.

So you don't think about it. You don't even put it into words.

_You can't. _

**AussieNote: **

**I have taken like, two weeks. I'm sorry. I suck for that.**

**ALSO, this chapter was short. I suck for that also.**

**I've had so much CHIZZ going on, and I've been distracted by some things that are out of my control.**

**But, excuses are excuses. And I'm sorry. I think some important things were revealed though.**

**I just wanted to make sure you all know I'm here, and not quitting this story! (:**

**Thanks for the reviews. You're all so great. I'm about to go back to the top of this and do your famous moment. I hope you enjoy(ed) it. More famous moments in the next chapter. (For the cool kids.)**

**Peace. –Ausss.**


	11. Simple Enough

AussieApologeticNote: I'm the worst updater ever, and if you're actually back reading this, THANK YOU.

I'm so sorry. Honestly, I've just had so much going on.

Who's ready for iOMG? That's fuh-reaking CRAZY. The promos had me hyperventilating. Like.. legit. Haha.

"You never know what might happen." Freddie's voice right there, whoa it kills me. LOVE it.

Kay, so enough of the stuff you don't care about.

FAMOUS people: PINKYisNUMBER1, Yorke432, Mistress of the Strange, hogwartsgirl52, Sakuracatz, ThePenIsMighty, adore-this, EmilyHelene, Virgoleo23, Kpfan72491, kppm13mylife, California702, KingxLeon21, OhSoIris, mamaluvsangst, Seddieforeverx3, aaamber, and rachim4.

Thanks so much for your amazing views, I absolutely love and appreciate every single one. If you have any questions, let me know. And, I love hearing about your favorite parts and where you think the story is going!

I want you to know, the story is not almost over. We're spending a while in Italy, and things wont be wrapped up in Italy and then return to Seattle for an epilogue. That's not gonna happen.

I don't do epilogues.

Just a warning. My endings tend to let you know where things are going.

Should I do an iOMG speculation/one shot? Who would be interested in that? Just an idea. (I know everyone is doing one, but my idea is slightly different, lemme know if I should.)

Okay…

A LOT HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER, SO IF YOU SKIPPED OVER THAT CHIZZ ABOVE, START READING NOW.

ENJOY! Love, Aussie.

My eyes, unwillingly opened as the sun poured from behind the thin curtain. I stretched as an attempt to wake myself.

No such luck.

Rolling over, I was surprised to find Freddie awake, arms gently wound around my waist.

Freddie faintly smiled at me, humor hiding behind the brown in his eyes.

"What could possibly make you happy _this _early in the morning?" I spat, my morning voice groggy with jet lag and exhaustion.

"You." He said simply, making my heart skip a beat.

He chuckled. "Well, mostly your hair."

My spirits dropped and I found that I was too grumpy to say anything clever, so I decided a push in the chest would have to suffice.

I knocked him slightly off balance and in as tiny of a bed as that one, he tumbled to the floor.

Oh..? I left out some details, did I?

His arms having been wound around my waist, conveniently pulled me down me with him.

I know. Seems sort of familiar.

"We always end up in this position." I sarcastically mused, staring into his eyes.

I was uncomfortably on top of him and it was beginning to seem awkward.

"Just like when we were those kids who hated each other." I laughed, remembering the many fights and wrestling matches.

Freddie's eyes shined playfully and a smirk played at his lips and before I could consider what might happen, he did something completely unlike that thirteen year old boy would have done.

He flipped us over quickly and suddenly, his hands bounding my wrists to the floor.

"Things change." He said roughly, his breath on my cheek.

And that, ladies and gentlemen is when it happened.

He shakily took in a small gasp of air, a moment of hesitation, before bending down.

His lips grazed mine, for a fraction of a second before pulling back to study the look in my eyes.

My hearts loud kur-plunk seemed to satisfy his ego, causing him to rush forward with more confidence. He found my lips instantaneously and his hands roughly entangled into my hair.

It took several moments for my brain to become coherent enough to understand. A million moments between Freddie and I rushed through my head, and I realized then, that this had to stop.

Finding that Freddie's hands were preoccupied and his thoughts were, well.. otherwise engaged, gave me the perfect opportunity.

I flipped us over, so that my hands were resting beside the opposite sides of his face. I closed in on his face threateningly, "This, never happened."

Freddie's frightened face was overcome with anger.

He pulled us off the ground, my small hands tightly in his larger ones.

"What do you mean, this never happened?" He barked, his eyebrow wound tightly together.

"I mean, what just happened did not, does not, will not happen." I deadpanned, keeping my face unreadable.

"Don't even pretend you didn't kiss me back, Sam!" Freddie said, releasing my hands.

"Drop it." I ordered, turning around to face my suitcase.

"Damn it! Do you always have to run away?"

The slamming door behind me was the easiest way I could answer.

_Yes._

_-x-_

I found where we were meant to be filming, easily.

Avoiding Freddie wasn't going to work. I knew that. I was just hoping to postpone having to see him.

He was sitting on the far-end of the set, talking to a few cameramen. He nodded at them, as he gestured at the set with his hands.

Those were the same hands that had, a few hours ago woven so passionately into my hair.

Err. I mean...

The same nubby hands that got his nerdy germs all over me.

Hmph. That doesn't feel quite as good as it used to.

"Hey." A deep voice whispered in my ear.

I turned around, finding my co-star staring down at me.

He was one of those guys who would be way more attractive if he didn't think he was the most attractive thing, ever.

You could totally tell he thought he was by the way he was smirking down at me as charmingly as he could.

What was his name again…?

"How was your flight, Samantha?"

"Whoa, stop right there. 'Samantha' is a typo in that script." I snapped, pointing down at the think bundle of pages he carried. "I go by, Sam and only Sam."

Mr. Co-star, whose name should be coming to me momentarily, laughed at what I assumed was the surprise of so much attitude coming from my small 5 foot 2 frame.

"Yeah, but if you're lucky, she lets you get by with 'Princess Puckett.'" A voice said from behind me.

Freddie wrapped a possessive arm around my shoulders as his face closed in on my ear, 'Isn't that right?"

I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as I thought of our morning together.

I wasn't sure if I was red with embarrassment or anger.

"Justin, Drake needs to discuss some script changes with you." Freddie said, motioning in the direction of Drake.

The wave of his hand seemed to be more of a dismissal than a motion of helpful guidance.

But, that could just be how I saw it.

Justin stood beside us, as Freddie's arm slipped from my shoulders to my waist. Turning to face me, I noticed Justin walking away dejectedly.

Freddie's forehead came down to rest on mine and his eyes held the reasoning behind his jack-ass behavior.

"You jealous bastard." I mumbled, closing my eyes. I was trying to decide if I was impressed with his actions, or pissed. I shook my head against his forehead, before pulling back to open my eyes.

"I wasn't jealous." Freddie said defiantly.

I squirmed out of his arms giving him a "Be real" look.

"Okay, so what if I was? Did you see how he was looking at you?" Freddie complained.

"Yeah, I did. And, I'm perfectly capable of handling myself."

Freddie sighed. "I know you are. And I know you think this morning was a mistake.."

I cut him off before he could finish.

"No, I think it was a caught-in-the-moment thing, and we're going to drop it."

I turned on my heel then, ready to film my next scene.

I wouldn't need to do any acting exercises, judging by the complete act I had just performed.

Because, I knew this wasn't a caught-in-the-moment thing.

It was a waiting-for-ten-years-to-happen-again thing.

And that killed me.

Let me explain to you in-depth the Sam-Puckett brain.

Brace yourself. If you're a total pansy, you oughtta turn back right now.

Alright. Here we go.

So many people have come into my life and left. Especially the people who actually mattered.

Ms. Briggs? No such luck. She was around for my entire high school career.

My damn father? A where-are-they-now show couldn't find the guy.

My mom? Ditto.

Melanie? Gone.

Gibby? Gone.

Carly? Gone.

Freddie even left me for a while.

I readied myself in front of the cameras.

"Action!" Freddie commanded, cueing towards Justin.

"You know, you're not the first to come around asking questions." Justin laughed, humorlessly.

"But, I'm the only one who got any answers." My character Lyneia, mused.

"Precisely." Justin's character, Leonard, mused. "What makes you so different?"

Justin stared into my eyes as I recited the line. "Because I _care_ about you, Freddie."

Justin's jaw dropped, shortly followed by mine.

I swiveled around towards the voice calling, "Cut!" only to be greeted by knowing, brown eyes.

Sweet, mother of chizz.

-x-

"I care about you, Freddie." Freddie mocked me in falsetto from across the table, in a small Italian restaurant.

"Shut up." I kicked him underneath the table, earning an 'oomph' from him.

"Aw. Come on, Sam. You've already admitted it now." Freddie teased, smiling as if he was the winner of last week's lottery.

The chances of winning my freakin' heart, were less likely than even that.

"It was a slip of words. Leonard, Frednerd.. Same thing."

"Actually," Freddie corrected, "You called my Freddie, which sounds nothing at all like Leonard."

"I was thinking, Frednerd." I explained around a bite of Spaghetti.

(We had decided to have the cliché Italian food.)

"Do you think about me a lot, Sam?" Freddie asked, smirking. "Is that it?"

I kicked him underneath the table, raising my fork threateningly at him.

"Watch it." I warned.

"I'm taking that as a yes." He smiled.

I was in the middle of swallowing a meatball, so I couldn't respond.

"The meatballs are awesome." I said, pushing one on his side of the plate. (Yes we were sharing.)

"Try it." I encouraged, hoping that if he was eating, he would do less talking.

"Remember the last time you offered me a meatball?"

I forked the meatball and ate it with a glare.

"That was the first time we ever kissed." He chuckled at the irony.

I continued chewing, shooting daggers with my eyes.

"I've decided something." He said.

I didn't answer, so he continued.

"Good, I don't want you to talk. So just listen." He said.

"When I first met you, I hated you. I used to dream about you being poisoned and abducted by aliens. But then, as we got older.. things changed. Like, when we did iCarly or watching MMA with you or, going to webicon and having dozens of crazy fans, cheering for 'Seddie!' Which is funny, because I always thought our couple name should be 'Fredemon.' More fitting, right?" He smiled over at me. "Anyways.. Things changed when we kissed. Or maybe it was when you told me I was important to the show the first time and then hugged me. Or maybe it was when you walked across the stage at graduation and you.. looked at me first. But I didn't realize any of that until I found myself jobless outside of Bushwell plaza."

I puzzled together the missing element to his story he had told me before. I was the missing piece. …me.

"Sam, I.. really care about you. And I get that you're not ready for that."

I looked down at my plate. "You don't trust me, and you don't want to be close to anyone."

I wasn't going to agree or disagree with what he said. I just let my head hang.

"But, I've decided I'm not giving up on you. So, you're gonna have to get used to it."

"So, I'm your new Carly?" I said, her name tearing through my throat.

"No." Freddie said. "She was my first crush. You're.. my.. Sam." He said, unable to find the word.

"Why the hell do you want to complicate things?" I spat.

"Because I want to be with you, Sam. I think that you deserve to be taken care of for once and I want it to be me, doing that."

I stared at him in shock.

"I never asked for that."

"And you never will." Freddie answered, honestly. "Even if you need it."

I started to speak, but Freddie interrupted me.

"I was lost, Sam. For the first time in a really long time, I know who I am. But I only feel that way when I'm with you. I don't want to lose that."

I admit, I didn't want him to lose that either.

"Look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't have feelings for me." Freddie said.

A moment passed.

"Or you can choose not to say anything, and we can leave things unspoken. I'm fine with that." Freddie agreed, nodding his head.

"Look, Sam. I'm not looking for a confession." He said, standing up from the table handing me his wallet. "To be honest, you can run as long as you want. I just want you to know, I'm always gonna be there when you get tired of running."

And with that, he left me to my thoughts.


	12. Something in the Air

Chapter Eleven.

AussieNote:

I have to warn you this one is a little short, but I hope you'll be happy with it.

iOMG blew my mind. When does part two come out? I'm dying with anticipation.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my motherchizzin' gosh.

I'm a slow updater, but I think about and plan my story all the time. I've rewritten this multiple times. That and I'm just slow. I'm sorry! So much has been going on with school ending, that time is terrible.

Famous/Amazing/Awesome People: Sylvia.l, alliebearlove, NostalgicHamster16, iBrown-eyed-blonde, xoxoLissieM, THLadyNightshade, bella1985, TheGracie, The Donut Eater, EmilyHelene, AlexisGoldsworthy, EnnaBurning, weir-cute-n-random, Dwarf doors, CDCxoxKNIGHT18, , Sakuracatz, Herahell, Kpfan72941, KingxLeon21, I-Love-Jess-Mariano, SeddierealluvJathan, California702, HugsandBugsSmileyface, ober22, Seddieforeverx3, mamaluvsangst, popcorn1001, and aaamber.

I always look forward to what each of you have to say about every new chapter. Your reviews are what keep me going, so thank you so much. Your favorite parts make me smile.

"I care about you, Freddie" o.O (Most people's favorite!) (:

So, after the too long, 23-day wait. HERE IT IS:

Enjoyyy!

READING STARTS HERE.

"Cut!"

I held back the urge to let out a stream of profanities as Freddie-ONCE AGAIN- cut the scene short.

"Let's take it from a different angle." I heard Freddie instruct a cameraman.

"Sure." The man grumbled, obviously annoyed by the fact that we were on our 27th take.

I made a fist before slowly releasing it.

"Scene 7, Line 4. Action!" Freddie called.

I immediately was in character.

"But, I don't understand…" I whispered.

"No one does." Justin spat. "No one ever will."

"But, I'm trying!" I cry. "You have to know I'm-"

He cuts me off with a wave of his hand, flicking his wrist as to silence me.

"You either do or you don't." He muttered, not facing me.

"If you would just give me some answers, then I could-"

According to the stage directions, this is where he would kiss me only to be followed with a "That's my answer. But, it only leaves you with more questions, doesn't it?"

However, just like the last couple times, Freddie called, "Cut!"

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he didn't want this kiss scene to happen.

Freddie looked up at the sky, at the clouds that hung too low. I could tell he was expecting it to rain, and I had a sneaky suspicion that he was waiting for just that.

"Can we take a five minute break?" I hear myself calling.

"That's a great idea." Justin says, annoyed. He stalks past me to one of the makeup artists, wanting to be 'powdered.'

The lake we were shooting the scene beside glowed an eerie blueish green, the dark clouds overhead made it even more beautifully unnerving.

I saw the small smile the parted Freddie's lips as the first drop fell.

"Cover the cameras!" One guy yelled, fumbling with his camera bag hurriedly.

I felt a large hand grab mine, before felt a deep voice whispering in my ear "This way."

"What- Where are we going?"

Freddie only smirked at me, before breaking out in a run, pulling me closely behind.

We stopped at the edge of the water, where a large rock sat about two feet away from shore. It was barely big enough for two people to stand. Freddie stepped across first, before reaching back for me.

Our clothes clung to our bodies, and we were both out of breathe from running.

"Is this your messed up idea of a romantic gesture?"

"Of course not." Freddie smiled, telling me otherwise. There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he continued, "I'd never be so obvious."

"You mean obvious like, calling cut, thirty times, _right _before the kiss scene?"

Freddie looked down, before his eyes found mine.

"Don't give me that look!"

"What look?" Freddie smiled, cueing his try-to-be 'smolder' look, closing in on my face teasingly.

"That one!" I said, shoving him away from me. "The one that makes you look even more stupid then usual!"

The rain was pouring, freezing my skin and sticking my hair to my face.

Freddie glanced over at me, contemplating something.

"I have a challenge for you." He offered.

I looked at him curiously waiting for him to continue.

"I get to ask you five questions and you get to ask me five questions. Whoever doesn't answer one or _lies _first, loses."

"Winner gets the bed to themselves." He said.

"Rules?" I asked.

"It has to be a question you don't already know the answer to. That's all. You choose questions hard for the other person to answer, so you win."

"Fine. Challenge accepted. You first."

"Why did you hate Melanie for so long?"

And that's when it hit me, Freddie hadn't done this to win the bed. He had done this to get heavy questions off his chest.

I looked at him, contemplating what I should say.

"She.." I sighed, this was something I had never put into words. "When Dad got thrown in the slammer, she didn't stick around to help with anything. She just left. No matter how hard I tried to keep things together at home, they fell apart. I tried _so hard _and yet Melanie was still the favorite."

Freddie looked at me considering what I had said.

"Your turn." He finally said.

"What's the deal with you dad?" I asked, knowing it to be a touchy subject. If he was going to play hard ball, then I sure as hell was too.

"My mom's as protective as she is, because she's always had to do everything herself. She wasn't always like that though." He ran his fingers through his hair. "He and my mom were a summer fling. He left her at the words, "I'm pregnant," and she hasn't seen him since.." He said simply.

"But you have." I said, mindlessly, not even meaning to speak.

He nodded. "Yeah."

I waited for him to continue.

"I looked him up when I was seventeen. I was furious with him and I had every intention of telling him that.

I drove four hours to his house, to see the face of the man that didn't care enough to stick around.

When I got there, I found that he lived in a little subdivision. So I parked, and walked down his street."

He looked up at me, his eyes shining with vulnerability and his expression grim.

"He was in the front yard, throwing a baseball with his son." He said.

"It was the kind of the thing you see on cheesy commercials for Father's day cards, except for it was real. The worst part is, it was the kind of thing I had spent my whole life thinking I wanted, and it was thrown right in front of me with a some kid in my place."

"He looked up at me for a second and _waved at me. _I just kept walking."

"I'm sorry." The foreign words slid easily through my mouth.

"Don't be." Freddie said, clearing his throat. "It's my turn."

"Have you seen your mom since?"

"In a newspaper article, once. She was married about a year ago."

"Married?"

"Yeah." I simply said, not wanting to mention my lack of invite.

"When did you stop liking Carly?" The question was out of nowhere, and her name stung my throat as the question broke loose.

"I don't know. I guess over the years, as my opinion of you changed, my opinion of her did too. I was completely over her, after we dated. It was awkward, and I missed our friendship. I didn't like hanging out without you around.." He stopped short.

"I have a good one." He smiled at me deviously.

"How did your first kiss compare to the others you received in high school?" Freddie laughed as he asked this, knowing I would hate it.

I grinded my teeth together, "The first one was.. unexpectedly..."

"Amazing?" He finished for me.

"You're a dork."

"A dork who also happens to be an amazing kisser."

"That's what you think."

"Just going by the blush on your cheeks, I'd say that's what you think too."

"We'll see what kind of kisser you are, after I give you a fat lip." I threatened.

"Back with the threats, I see. Should I expect some sort of nickname as well, Princess Puckett?"

It was just like old times as I shoved him so that he fell backwards into the water. He popped up, shaking his hair as little droplets cascaded down the strands.

"You're unbelievable!" He cried.

One of his hands shot up, pulling me in after him.

As I resurfaced easily in the barely five feet water, I could hear him laughing.

I splashed him, jumping on his back to push him underwater.

The play-fighting and splashing eventually died down, leaving us panting.

Our eyes glimmered with playfulness as we contemplated our recent throw-back to the past. We hadn't fought like this in years and it had left us both breathless.

I couldn't tell you who moved first, but the two feet that separated us as we stood in the shallow water, closed unexpectedly.

The rain continued to pour as his hands found the sides of my face. They gently pushed away tangles of hair as he roughly kissed my lips. I caught my breath, as his lips brushed along the length of my jaw, lingering here and there. His hands slowly trailed down my arms to the small of my back, pulling me closer as he pulled his head back to look in my eyes.

Maybe it was the look in those sappy eyes, but I found my hands twisted into the back of his hair as his lips moved in sync with mine.

"How many times have you been in love?" Freddie asked against my lips, eyes still shut, before pulling his forehead to rest on mine.

I took a deep breath, not wanting to lose the challenge.

"Once." I whispered, sure there was no turning back now.

**AussieNote: It was rather short. But.. Yeah. It was short. I hope you liked it.**

**Let me know what you thoughttt .**


	13. Honestly A Part of Me

**It's been a month. I've been dealing with my own Seddie-like, stressful relationship, and finals, and family and SOOO much chiz. But, it's summer now. So, I'm hoping that means a faster update!**

**iOMG 2, needs to happen NOW. If you know anything about it, I'd love to know!**

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"You know, they say when a girl constantly rips on a guy… it really just means she has a crush on him!"

I remember my 12-year old face stiffening, determined not to show an ounce of emotion. I could feel the familiar burn of blood rising to my face, though usually the blood was accompanied by a rush of anger.

I carefully kept my gaze from Carly's as I spat rude words at him, neither proving nor disproving his idea.

That odd mixture of embarrassment and anger had me silent the moments after, and I was sure to not make eye contact with either of my friends. (Or, enemy- in Freddie's case.)

I couldn't make eye contact, just to be safe.

Being safe and Sam Puckett were two things you wouldn't often pair together, I'd guess. Most people who knew me, found me dangerous. If they could choose to be trapped in a room with me or a ravenous bear, I'd guess most people would choose the latter.

But honestly? Safety was something I held onto. Not in the crazy-Mrs. Benson-way, where helmets and Band-Aid's were more common than oxygen. No, I was safe when it came to putting myself out there. That tiny chance of success wasn't worth the possibility of making an ass of myself and it never had been. But somehow, I found myself doing just that.

"_Once." _I had whispered, all caution thrown aside.

He pulled back, staring at me as something unspoken went between us.

The irises in his eyes enlarged a bit as he bit his lip, contemplating the single word.

My heart sped up in my chest, though not due to the biting of his lip, but instead at the weight of my single word.

What the HELL was I thinking, saying that? Maybe I was caught in the moment or some dumbass chizz like that, but honestly… I had spent YEARS convincing this guy I didn't love him and these past few weeks were ruining that.

I pulled myself from his arms as I turned to sluggishly stomp out of the water. (You know how slow rushing in water is.)

Freddie stood there in shock or disgust or freakin' whatever. I wasn't sticking around to see what he was thinking.

"Sam, wait!" He called after me.

I could hear the splashes of water as Freddie struggled to follow after me.

"I've gotta go explain this-" I gestured suggestively down at my wet clothing, "to Kathy!"

Our already-moody costume designer was going to pretty pissed.

"I can't wait to tell her a nub pulled me in!"

I spun back around, stomping off as water noisily squished from the soles of my shoes.

"You _pushed _me in _first!" _He complained from behind me.

"You deserved it." I replied without turning around or even slowing my steps.

"Damn it." I heard him curse under his breath.

I lightly shrugged my shoulders.

"I love you too!" He yelled, sounding more frustrated than anything.

My steps stopped short and my heart stopped all together.

"I love you." He repeated, softer this time and I could hear his footsteps as he got closer.

His breath was on my ear and his hands on my shoulders as he whispered.

"I know it probably doesn't make sense to you." My heart sped up as I stared straight ahead, waiting.

"I just… I want to be there for you. I always have. Even when we were those two kids fighting… I just. Something about you draws me in." He spun me around then, to face him. Resting his forehead on mine, he spoke again.

"It's not only the color of your eyes… but the expression behind them. It's not just the things you say… but the way you say them. It's like I know you can handle yourself… But, I don't want you to have to. I think you deserve someone to want to take care of _you _for a change."

And inches away from his lips, I did the safest thing I could.

"Forget this happened." I whispered, looking away from his eyes.

"We are here to shoot a movie, nothing else. We are raising Mara for Carly, nothing else. We are only two people, who happen to be thrust into the same situation." I swallowed, turning cold eyes on his. "_Nothing else."_

"_I'm scared too, Sam_." He said softly, trying to keep eye contact with me. "But I love-"

"Don't say it!" I cried, ripping myself from his arms before turning away.

"Say what? That I'm in love with you? That _you're scared_?" He yelled back, following after me angrily.

"You're not in love with me! If Carly hadn't died, you'd still be sickly pining after your best friend's wife!"

"I got over her years ago, Sam! You've got to be kidding me!"

I turned around suddenly, causing Freddie to skid to a stop so that he wouldn't run into me.

"What if she had said yes?"

Freddie looked down at me as if I were crazy.

"Sam, what are you talking ab-"

"What if, just once- She hadn't turned you down?"

He looked down at me, confusedly.

"All of the things you're saying to me... You'd be saying to her right now. Don't deny it. Carly _died _before you even noticed me, Freddie."

I turned around and walked along the side of the lake, leaving the boy I had been falling in love with for 12 years.

"We're not going to be able to film anymore today." Justin said, falling in step with me. "So… you want to get a coffee or something?"

I looked up at him through the rain, wondering the best way to get out of this.

"I'm not feeling good. Could you just give me a ride to my hotel?"

"Yeah, sure. No problem." Justin said, obviously thrown off by the rejection.

Justin beckoned someone who apparently had his keys and then led me in the direction of the old parking lot.

Of course Justin would have a sports car.

We rode in silence, aside from the pointless small talk Justin kept insisting to start.

Pulling up to the hotel, he let out a low whistle.

"Why the hell are you staying in this dump?" Justin asked in disbelief.

"We- I couldn't find another place to stay."

"Go inside and get your bags. I'll make a couple phone calls."

I have to admit, sharing a hotel with Freddie wasn't that appealing after our latest fight. I hurried through the pouring rain to the front entrance to the lobby.

I silently prayed Freddie wouldn't be there as I turned the key in the lock. The door swung open, and I only released the breath I had been holding when I found the room completely empty.

Most of my things hadn't been unpacked, so it didn't take too long to get them together. I didn't even bother changing into dry clothes, as I could still hear the cracks of thunder outside my window.

I imagined Freddie's face as he found the room empty later. "I'm okay." I scribbled on a piece of paper, leaving it in plain view on the small bed.

It was a lie of course. I felt far from okay. With every breathe my heart felt even tighter, the pain closing in even more. I wasn't okay at all. I was falling apart in a way, that I wasn't sure how to fix.

I grabbed my bags, throwing them over my shoulder, hurrying before Freddie could catch me leaving.

"That didn't take you very long." Justin commented, smiling as I ducked out of the rain into his car.

"There was a room at the hotel I'm staying in, luckily for you." Justin smiled down at me, his eyes uncomfortably piercing mine.

"Really?" I weakly asked, too emotionally drained to think of anything decent to say.

"The suite across from mine, actually."

_Shit._

**I'm sorrrrry for the cliffy and for the shortness, the next part HAS to be in the next chapter. Let me know what you thought.**

-Aussie.


	14. In The Moment

_**AussieNote: **__I have not been in the mood to write lovey-dovey stuff and that's why this took so long. Because this chapter IS lovey-dovey and has been planned to be. Anyways, there's my useless excuse._

_iLost My Mind. Who's stoked? Meeeeee!_

_Do any of you have a tumblr btw? I've had one for almost a year and just realized Ii don't follow my fanfiction friends!_

_Also… Do any of you watch The Nine Lives Of Chloe King? Or Doctor Who? Just wonderinggg they're my favorite! (DON'T WORRY ICARLY IS STILL MY FAVORITE TOO.) (:_

_Okay. Awesome people? The ones who read? The ones who review? _

_Yeah, here they are: NightTimeSoul96, luktheduke, seddiegirl25, xoxoLissieM, bella1985, DaniellaDaThird, Seddieforeverx3, KressxBlack, California702, DevouringSickness, mamaluvsangst, toughgirl13, xXSeddieXx, AnimeRose93, Jinxedforever13, EmilyHelene, Kpfan72491, GreenandPinkMatch, iBrown-eyed-blonde, hartful13 ,popcorn1001, and aaamber. _

_I love your opinions sooooo much, and I here's a big fat THANK YOU from me. I honestly remember you by your reviews and I love what you each think of each chapter. It's fun to watch so many of you continue with this story and your love for it grow more. So thanks for giving me that opportunity._

_This chapter is dedicated to you, I hope it does you all justice._

**Impatient? SKIP ALL THAT! ^^ And start reading now. (;**

This hotel was ridiculous. If I had to hear the words, 'Ms. Puckett!' one more time, I might have to take these suck ups on their offer of 'getting me anything' with a request for solid butter and a tube sock. Mama could use a good swinging sock to take out a few of these maids, assistants, etc. etc…

Normally, having people serve you would be greatly appreciated. But when you just wanted to sulk, _alone _or when you just wanted to sleep, to escape from reality… Having someone 'checkup' on you was a flippin' annoyance.

On TOP of that, this was the 'valentine' or 'newlywed' suite. Justin explained that this was the last available room, but maybe *insert wink here* I could put it to use. He had suggestively wiggled his eyebrows at me after this before turning to leave me alone to GAG.

Leave it to my luck (or karma) to be stuck in the LOVE suite, with little itsy bitsy hearts and reminders of love EVERYWHERE.

Fireplace in master bedroom? Check.

Terrace with dozens of candles? Check.

King sized bed accentuated with deep red, silk EVERYTHING and a flimsy sheer white canopy surrounding the bed for 'privacy.' Oh yeah, check, alright.

There were candles and dimmed lights everywhere I turned with the exception of the brightly lit kitchen on the farthest end of the suite.

Slow 'in the mood' music kept randomly turning on, which oddly reminded me of Random Dancing...

I had a remote that could control all these things, turning the music off when it got too annoying, closing the curtains when I needed the privacy and no matter how annoying the love-theme was.. I couldn't help but admit the place was nice.

I sighed, pulling the thick silk covers up even higher and tighter around me.

I was _worried._ Freddie had told me he loved me today. Not only that, but he said 'too.' As in, "I know you're in love with me, Sam Puckett!"

The light on my phone began to blink as it started to vibrate on the night stand. I struggled to sit up with the weight on the numerous sheets and comforter holding me down. I finally found myself upright and I reached over to the phone. Who else would it be?

My mom? My dad? Melanie? _Carly?_

_Freddie Calling _filled the small screen. I contemplated picking up, my finger hovering over the talk button.

"_Don't be such a baby!" _Melanie's voice filled my head, mocking me the way I had mocked her so many times.

"_Sam Puckett, scared?" Carly's voice taunted. _

Instead of answering (Or questioning why exactly I was hearing voices in my head like a psycho person.) I pressed firmly on the talk button.

But as fate would have it, _1 Missed Call, _began flashing on the screen.

"Can't say I was scared." I mumble, slowly laying back down into the mountain of pillows and covers.

My phone started to vibrate again.

I was really considering this karma thing. Maybe, if I hadn't bullied every last kid in my school… I'd have better luck than this.

I pressed talk, holding it up to my ear.

"Hey." I said quietly.

"_Where are you?"_

His voice was filled with worry and a hint of anger. I had been expecting this.

"Justin took me back to his hotel and-"

"You're... s_taying _with JUSTIN?"

His heavy breathing filled the line as a very jealous Freddie tried to calm himself.

He hung up before I could answer.

"No." I deadpanned. "Thanks for assuming the worse."

The thunder cracked and the sky lit up.

All Hell was breaking loose.

-x-

A knocking came at my door shortly after that.

I didn't bother checking the peephole, before unlocking the door and swinging it open.

"See, man? I told you she wasn't with me." Justin said, motioning towards me. "At least, not yet."

Justin smiled at me, contemplating this idea.

Freddie stood in my doorway, soaking wet, ignoring Justin's attempts to hit on me. He stared intently at me.

"Can I come in?" Freddie asked sheepishly, looking as if he were afraid the answer would be no.

Justin didn't like being ignored, so he turned around in a huff closing his door noisily behind him.

"How did you get here?" I asked. "The news said most streets had been closed due to the weather."

Freddie scratched the back of his head as he walked past me, shrugging.

"I ran."

I stared at him in awe as his wet clothing began to make sense.

"Freddie, I-"

The lightning cracked again, interrupting me and the lights went out.

"Damn it." I swore under my breath.

"Help me light these candles." I demanded, reaching for the matches on the small decorative table.

"Sure." He complied.

Now. Somewhere, in the back of my head I had to know how romantic this would be.

The room being lit by the occasional lightning and the dim glow of candles…

But I swear, at the time I was only worried about being stuck in the dark.

"It's always been you." Freddie said, out of the blue.

"What?" I asked, struggling on tip toes to light a candle on a mantle above my head.

He came up behind me, lighting the candle I had been struggling to get.

"You." He sighed. "What I feel for you, I've never felt that way before. Not about Carly. Not about _anyone. _And, it's been that way for almost as long as I've known you."

I looked up at him and then away, nodding slightly, not having any words to say.

We finished lighting the last candle, and the room glowed a sort of red from the flickering flames and red décor.

"I guess I should get going." Freddie finally said, walking slowly to the door.

"It's midnight and storming outside... you can't tell me you're serious." I said smartly.

"Well, what are you suggesting?" He said, turning to me slowly.

Okay, I know I might be sending mixed signals. But at _that moment, _all I could think about how he was the only one I really had left in the world. I couldn't only see how the fire glowed in the brown of his eyes, burning copper. All of the things he had said to me, played back in my head… And something in me, snapped.

His lips responded to mine almost instantaneously as my hands entangled in his hair, pulling him closer.

"I love you." I whispered on his lips, in between hurried breaths.

"I've always loved you." He responded back, the words tickling my neck as his lips urgently brushed along the length of my collar bone. "Infuriating, _you."_

I pulled him back to my lips, as his hands found the small of my back pulling me closer so that the lengths of our bodies were aligned in such a way that it was like two perfect puzzle pieces clicking in place.

With my arms entangled around his neck, I pulled him in the direction of the master bedroom slowly. I took a few steps backward until we were in the hallway, my back pressed firmly against the wall. His hands trailed up the sides of my body until his hands found my face. He pulled away, his hands cupping my cheeks as he mumbled words to me, no one had told me before.

The door of the bedroom was slammed open and we collapsed in a tangle of silk sheets.

-x-

I woke with an arm wound tightly around my waste and the smell of worn cologne and warm skin on my cheek. My face was tucked into the corner of Freddie's neck and our limbs were entangled in such a way that many would find uncomfortable. Neither of us moved.

We laid there in silence as Freddie's fingers untangled my hair gently. He smiled softly down at me, his eyes glowing a way I hadn't seen before.

"You're happy." I said, amused at the expression on his face.

"Yes." He smiled at me again. "And, while we're stating the obvious… You're beautiful."

"You're cheesy."

"You're in love with me." He smiled knowingly.

"You're the biggest girl I've ever met, Benson."

"Whom you just spent all night in bed with."

"Would you just let me insult you?" I asked half impatient, half amused.

"Every single day." He kissed me. "For the rest of our lives."

-x-

The kiss scene with Justin went by. Slowly and painfully. For me, because I had to endure it. For Freddie, because he had to watch/film it.

Sneaking off between takes became a more frequent thing and the days passed quickly. We had one week of filming left, and things were looking up.

Until everything changed and everything fell apart.

Nothing lasts forever.

**I love you guys. Let me know what you think.**


	15. Smiling But We're Close to Tears

**AussieNote: I'm sorry it's been so long. I recently found out my brother has a schizophrenia and I've been in a sort of depression for a while. Your wonderful reviews inspired me to come back to this, and I'm truly writing this for you guys. **

**Now, I know I haven't mentioned that Spencer is married, but he is. They were married iCarly's senior year of high school. It hasn't been relevant to the story until now, but I feel like Spencer would have been married once Carly moved out.**

**iLost My Mind is tonight. OMGOMG.**

**Famous people are being neglected this time due to the fast that I've stayed up all night writing this for you, and I'm worn out. But I LOVE YOU and YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.**

**A famous people moment will indeed be in the next chapter.**

**Your reviews are so important to me.**

**I'm warning you now that you will hate this. Everything has to fall apart so that they can fall together perfectly. Okay?**

**STORY STARTS HERE.**

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment your life starts falling apart. Usually, you find yourself blaming others, or maybe God, depending whether you believe in Him or not. I hear you find a small amount of comfort in knowing that the destruction of your life doesn't lie completely in your hands.

Well, this? None of it was my fault. That didn't make me feel any better.

I want to say that the pinpointed, exact, fall-apart of my life started with the phone call.

_I want to. _

But that's not true. It started when I was a kid. I often found myself hiding behind table legs, waiting for my parents to stop cursing and throwing things at each other.

Maybe that's what changed Mom. Maybe the more you cared about someone, the more it hurt.

Maybe.

I always had that idea in my head. Caring was like bracing yourself for the fall. Eventually, though you never knew quite when, you'd get hurt. _Always._

I'd like to think this is a safer was to live, with that knowledge, I mean. Though, some people would call itself destructive and neglecting to live your life to its fullest extent.

But, here I was caring. Caring for someone more than myself.

The phone rang and Freddie decided to take the call in a different room after glancing at caller ID.

The way he drug his heals was a dead giveaway that something was wrong.

"Spencer's wife had a miscarriage."

My heart sunk in my chest, feeling my body with the painful, dull ache that usually accompanied bad news.

"I didn't know Ariel was pregnant?"

"They didn't either… until she got sick." He swallowed. "All I know, is she lost a lot of blood before they got her to the hospital."

I frowned at this, wondering why things like this happen in the world.

"My mom kept Samara, who's doing fine." He ran his hands through his hair before sinking down in the open spot beside me on the couch.

"I can't imagine how Spencer's feeling." I whispered.

Freddie slipped his arm around my back, allowing me to sink into his side.

"If anything like that ever happened to you…" His voice cracked towards the end, making him barely audible.

Fear hit me as I saw the effect I could have on him. I could see that while I cared about him more than myself, he cared about me more than himself.

I've heard the most beautiful thing in life is being loved by the one you love.

Maybe that's true. In my opinion? There's nothing more terrifying than someone loving you with everything that had.

I closed my eyes in an effort to ward off the bad feelings, but to no avail.

Freddie arms tightened around me as he kissed my cheek reassuringly, and I was left to struggle with my thoughts.

-x-

We got back to Seattle late Friday night. Spencer and Ariel had already agreed to keep Samara the rest of the weekend, so that we could unpack and recover from jetlag.

Saturday morning came and I was awoken by it.

Maybe this was the phone call when my life started to fall apart.

"He's dead."

My mother's voice rang through the receiver and I knew she was in her rarest state; Sober.

I had barely gotten the word 'Hello?' out before she had spoken.

"Your father." She clarified, as if I hadn't already known deep in my stomach who exactly 'he' had been.

"Listen, Sam. I'm sor-"

"Whatever." I had meekly replied over her rushed words, before hanging up.

I didn't cry. Tears weren't going to make me feel any better. That I was sure of. It's an unexplainable feeling, when you lose someone.

With Carly, I knew. Life wasn't going to be the same. I wouldn't spend my time before work, laughing in her kitchen as I ate half her pantry. She wouldn't force me to go shopping with her or to other girly things that I had never decided if I hated or loved. Inside jokes, laughs, memories and hours of phone calls were erased. I was the only one who remembers those things. They would eventually fizzle out as if none of it had existed at all.

That's what made this different. I had limited memories of him before the age of ten, and the warmth of those memories had been tainted by the last two years he had spent at him. The harsh words spat at my mother, the stench of alcohol filling my nostrils or being called Melanie, even when he was sober. I stopped hoping he would come home and things would go back to normal when I was fourteen. It was then that I had decided I was the only one that I would ever need. I guess I was angry. The flames burned to ember as I got older and instead of being angry all the time… it came in smaller doses.

It was feelings like these that often accompanied his memories.

I was sitting on the terrace. I didn't want to know how he died. I didn't want to feel anything over this, because he didn't deserve it.

Yet, the aching in my chest made my body feel hollow. Emptiness engulfed me as the humid air turned to rain. The water soaked through the cotton of my clothes and my hair stuck to my cheeks.

I shouldn't care. I _should _care. I don't care. _I do._

Freddie came outside, draped a raincoat around me, and sat in the chair closest to me.

-x-

We rode in silence to pick Samara up. I hadn't mentioned my father's death, though I knew Freddie was suspicious.

"I talked to your mom yesterday."

The words cut through the silence, and a piercing pain shot through my chest.

Breathing wasn't natural as I struggled with this.

"Why the fuck would you have done that?"

"She called and asked me to listen to her."

"You should have hung up." I deadpanned, looking at the window.

"I didn't though."

I waited in silence.

"You should go to his memorial service."

"Why? For closure?" I spat, my eyes narrowing at the idea.

"That," Freddie replied. "and to see your mother."

"She doesn't deserve to see me."

"You're right. But, it's something you need to do."

"Says who?"

"I'm just trying to look out for you, Sam."

"And what have I said about that? Fucking don't! I look out for myself, I don't need you to do it!"

"Don't you ever regret only making up with Melanie on her goddamn death bed? Haven't you told me that you regret all the secrets you kept from Carly?"

It hurt. More than any other words had cut through before.

We pulled into the parking lot at Bushwell in silence, the tension heavy.

I got out of the car, slamming the passenger door. Freddie followed a few feet behind me as we walked towards Spencer's apartment.

"We're over." I answered simply, knocking on the Spencer's door.

-x-

Freddie was shocked to say the least, but Spencer answered the door almost instantaneously.

We were both greeted with hugs and it was understood between us that the discussion was over for now.

Samara was sitting in her playpen as wide-eyed as ever. Her curls had grown and she giggled at mine and Freddie's entrance.

"We'd like to talk to you about something." Spencer said seriously as he motioned for us to take a seat.

"We've recently found out, that it's unsafe for me to have children." Ariel said in a tone that feigned strength over disappointment.

Spencer took her hand at this, glancing at her before looking at me.

Samara started crying, and all of us turned to look at her. Ariel got up faster than I could to attend to her.

"Mama!" Samara babbled at Ariel's appearance by her playpen, my stomach tightened.

Spencer turned back to look at me and Freddie.

"We'd like to adopt Samara."

**I know. WOAAAAAH. Things will get better. I love you alllll, talk to me.**


	16. Your Way With Words is Through Silence

**AussieNote: Hello, lovely readers. This is the last chapter before the epilogue. (I know I said I wouldn't, but I must!) I'm happy with this chapter and I hope you love it as much as I do. Thanks for all the nice reviews and words of encouragement for the last chapter and for my home situation. You all are so awesome and caring. **

**My famous people whom I adore: luktheduke, kppm13mylife, A Fan, xoxoLissieM, bella1985, popcorn1001, sparksflyx13, Californa702, Clamanter, WiccansRule, sincerely-sweet, KingxLeon21, 214, SarahBear22, mamaluvangst, Sleepless Dreamer 22, Pancake2, , everythingthatsparkles12, Kpfan72491, isinkintohearts, and billiegrace. **

**I'll talk to again at the end of the chapter.**

**STORY STARTS NOW.**

It had been two weeks since I had seen Freddie. I had been staying in a shitty hotel room, looking for a new apartment building when I forced myself to get out of bed.

However, it had only been one week since I had decided that it was the right thing to do. Letting Spencer and Ariel adopt Samara, I mean. I found myself often thinking about the young teenage mother, from years ago, who I had seen witnessing her baby's departure from the hospital with her new parents. Why had she done it?

I can only imagine that when you truly care for someone, you want what's best for that person, whether it be you or not.

I knew I cared about Samara, and a part of me would always feel motherly towards her.

_Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there._

My breathing intensified as I knocked on Freddie's door, unsure of his reaction to my soon to follow words. I didn't know how to go about it and the necessary words were tangled and jumbled in my head.

The door swung open, revealing Freddie in a white Hanes t-shirt and ripped jeans.

"I think we should let them." We both said at the same time, rushed and winded.

We stopped, looking at each other reflecting the confusion on the others' face.

"I just, want what's best for Samara. " He finally said.

I nodded as I felt the awkward creeping in.

"I'll let you deliver the wonderful news." I deadpanned, turning from the door.

"So that's all then?" Freddie asked from behind me, in disbelief.

"Yeah." I sighed, not bothering to turn around. "That's all."

-x-

The plane was leaving at 6 in the morning, getting me there an hour before the funeral would start.

I wasn't doing this for closure, or out of sympathy, or for Melanie, or even for Freddie.

I kept repeating that over and over again in my head, convincing myself those words rang true.

This was out of spite and mainly out of what felt like, revenge. I was going to show that Puckett family exactly what they'd never be, never tried to be, and used to try to tell me I couldn't be.

I was going to prove them all wrong.

-x-

I didn't wear black, for starters. I had stolen my dress off the set from Kathy, adorning my silhouette dark blue, closely resembling the shade of my eyes. The dress cut off mid-knee, and the one-shoulder band wrapped all the way down my back.

Strolling into the funeral, I felt sure all eyes would be on me.

I was wrong.

Maybe it was the resemblance to Carly's reception that changed things. Similarities hit me hard. Tears were being wept, hugs were being given and words of condolences were being shared. I immediately felt selfish and guilty for wanting to rub anything into their faces as the comprehension hit me.

They were just people. People with dirty pasts, people with secrets, people in love or heartbroken… No matter what they had done and no matter how much I wanted to hate them, I didn't.

A part of me mocked my weakness, while another part of myself applauded my strength.

The service was long and drawn out and the priest spoke in nicer words than my father deserved. I didn't feel resentful, though. It's just a fact of life that everyone wants to be remember at their highest points, not their lowest and I couldn't blame him for that.

"So, you decided to show up." My mom's voice, tainted and tasteless with years of smoking, rang out behind me.

Standing at a sink in the restroom, I could see her in the mirror behind me. My eyes narrowed and the anger bubbled up once again. Along with the anger came feelings of betrayal and hurt, all things I had pushed away at the age of seventeen.

"I'd say your attendance is a bit more a shocker." I said, feigning disbelief.

"I said I would be."

"Oh, I forgot your word actually has some value." I said mockingly, venom coating my words. "Things do change."

"Sam, I _had_ to leave." She said, trying to make me understand.

"You've never had to do anything." The words came quickly. "'Had' entails a responsibility, and God sure as hell knows you've never felt the need to be responsible for something."

"I was too far gone in Seattle. I had a responsibility _to myself."_

"_What about me?" _The words were out, loudly voicing my biggest insecurities. Never had I planned to admit the pain abandonment had caused me.

"Sam, you had a life in Seattle." She explained quietly. "You deserved better than me."

"You keep telling yourself that to justify your selfishness." I continued. "I gave away my daughter, because she deserved better than me. She deserved to be in the home with a woman who has life way more figured out than I do, who she already calls 'Mama.' She really _does _deserve better than me. It would be selfish of me to rip that away from her."

I took a deep breath, steadying myself.

"And you're damn right, I deserved better than you. You weren't there for my first dance recital when I was 7, but I still got the Most Valued Dancer Award. You sure as hell weren't at my elementary school graduation, but I still graduated. You've never even seen an episode of iCarly, but every other fucking person in the word sure as hell has. I got through high school on my own. I was there for my sister, on my own. I landed a part in a goddamn movie, on my own. I didn't need you there when my best friend died. I'm not going to need you there when I have a daughter of my own, because I'm going to be there."

"The difference is, Mom, that you being there wouldn't have changed my success. You _could _have been there. It was always your choice of what was more important. Alcohol to make _yourself _forget your pain or seeing your daughter grow up. How do you think I forgot my pain? How _I _dealt with it?"

"You see, for a long time I thought I wasn't enough. I thought, there was something wrong _with me _for you not to have cared about me. But I realized a while ago, that the person you are isn't determined by the life you've had but what you do with it. I forgive you, Mom. But more than that _I pity you, _because we've been given the same circumstances, Mom. I'll look back at my life in an entirely different light than you will, and you'll have to live with your decisions. Not me."

I turned and walked out, without a single glance back thinking of the one thing I didn't want to look back on life and regret.

-x-

His door swung open and he stared down at me questioningly.

"I went to the funeral." I said quietly, hoping the hints of an apology could be found in my voice.

"Come in." He said, leading me to his couch.

We sat, uncomfortably and I could tell while Freddie obviously cared enough to invite me in, he also was hurt and gaurded by our breakup.

"I talked to my mom." I finally said, looking into his shielded brown eyes.

He nodded and I realized this wasn't going to be easy.

"I told her how much I had done without her, how much she had missed.."

I stopped to study the look on his face and he nodded slightly, beckoning me to go on.

"I told her I forgave her," I said quietly, "and that I felt bad for her."

"She's going to look back on her life and regret her decisions, and I don't wish that on anyone."

He nodded and I could see his guard slowly falling down.

"It got me thinking."

"Mhmm?" He questioned wordlessly.

"My mom's never been there for me but I've never _been alone. _All my life, Carly was there. Or Spencer. Or _you."_ I looked down, praying that by some miracle he could still love me.

I realized then that this was all or nothing. Forever or never. This would be one of those moments in life that all other points in time revolved around. Before Freddie or after Freddie.

"Freddie, I can handle looking back on my life and regretting the mistakes I've already made, but I know I'd never stop kicking myself for losing you."

I looked up, nervously, feeling my stomach roll over multiple times.

Freddie looked speechless, wordlessly looking into my eyes.

"I know I'm probably too late. You've probably decided hating me was a lot easier than loving me, and I understand that, I just-"

His fingers were in my hair suddenly, pulling me forward, silencing me in a manner that made me realize that sometimes words get in the way.

-x-

**I was nervous to post this, because so many of you are heartbroken over Samara, but I feel like it's the best way to go with the story. A lot of you hate that Samara is going to be adopted by Spencer and Ariel, but I've had this planned for a while. The epilogue will hopefully change your mind, because things will be.. Happy ending-ish. (: **

**Also, on another note. I wrote a one shot to sort of fill in what I personally found as plot holes to the Seddie Arc. I wasn't happy with her vague answer to Freddie's question of when she started to like him. So, I have a little one shot up called The Exact Moment, Sam Puckett, Lost Her Mind. I'd love to hear your opinions on that and what you think of the seddie arc so far. **

**Anyways, thanks for sticking with me.**

**Much love- Aussie.**


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